


Adoration

by DunWithAllTheseHoes



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Amputation, Anxiety, Blind Character, Blow Jobs, Christmas Party, Disability, Disabled Character, Epic Friendship, First Dates, First Meetings, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, New Year's Kiss, New Years, Oral Sex, Physical Disability, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 04:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 28,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17501525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DunWithAllTheseHoes/pseuds/DunWithAllTheseHoes
Summary: Tyler swallows thickly, leaning towards Josh. "Your little brother keeps staring at me."Josh sticks his bottom lip out. "Maybe he has a staring problem I never knew about."





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [violetjosh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetjosh/gifts), [regionals](https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals/gifts).



Often times, Tyler is out with Josh. He's his closest friend-- his only friend, really, and he's a good one at that. Their relationship grows every time they interact, and at this point it feels more like a brotherly bond than anything.

Without Josh, Tyler is usually alone. Though, that's not such a bad thing. He enjoys the silence as long as it's a good day. Some peace. It's what anyone could use.

He plans on today being one those days; he's been in bed the entire morning watching whatever he can find most appealing on the television and relaxing, because it's what he deserves, and it's one of his very few days off from work so he decides to take it lightly. He does this for over an hour before his phone rings beside him, and sluggishly, he slaps his hand around the bed sheets until he finds it.

Of course, to no surprise, it's Josh.

He answers.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Tyler mumbles, voice still gravely from sleep.

"Hey," Josh starts. "Deb and I were wondering if you'd wanna come with us to get coffee. We know your machine broke, so, we'll try and hold you over as much as possible until you can get a new one."

At that, Tyler smiles softly. "You guys are too good to me." He says. "I'm in."

"Awesome." Josh whispers. "See you in twenty?"

Tyler chuckles. "Yep."

The two of them end the call after a simple goodbye.

Tyler doesn't have to ask which coffee shop to go to, because Josh is picky when it comes to taste, and god, does he hate Starbucks. So, they go to this local one that isn't too far from either of their homes. It's a lot nicer than Starbucks anyways, therefore Tyler doesn't mind. It's more quiet. More comfortable. It gives them time to talk and catch up despite already doing that more often than not.

Tyler sits up in bed and stretches his arms out once watching one last scene on the television. He moans at the feeling, eyes squeezing shut momentarily.

He simply sits there for a moment to soak everything in. Sunlight comes through the window, and he can hear birds fly past the apartment building tweeting. It's normal, he likes it, and once he's had enough he finally reaches over to the bedside table to grab his sleeve.

He's done this too many times to count. It comes naturally.

He turns the sleeve inside out and carefully rolls it onto his leg-- or, in his case, lack of.

Afterwards, he grabs the prosthetic part of his body that lays against the beside table. He puts it there every night, and sometimes it's haunting, other times it's comforting. It's an internal conflict, but it's who he is now and Tyler has finally realized that nothing is going to change, so he needs to get used to it.

He has. He's happy now, too.

Misery came easily after the accident, but once spending time in group, talking, ranting, sharing, bonding, things got better.

Before everything, Tyler was never one to think therapy or group discussions can help when stuff is terrible. He supposed he had a change of heart once things went downwards for him. Truthfully, without people who were struggling just as much as him, he wouldn't know who he'd be. It wasn't only the accident that opened his mind, it was them. He saw what everyone else was going through, and this sense of security washed over him. Knowing he's not alone. Knowing he has somewhere to go. It's nice.

Everyone there was nice; he's forever grateful.

Tyler stands up and puts his leg into the prosthetic one, pulling the lace through the hole once he's comfortable. He pulls the excess sleeve over the top and puts pressure, making sure to secure the lace once everything falls into place. He takes a few steps to check if everything is correct, comfortable, and it is, so he makes his way into the bathroom.

He brushes his teeth and combs his hair, and afterwards, decides what clothes to wear. It's December, so despite being a little easier, he doesn't choose shorts. He's gotten accustomed to wearing slightly oversized cargo pants most of the time because skinny jeans no longer work in his favor-- well, most jeans don't anymore.

Tyler puts on gray cargo pants and an obnoxiously bright red hoodie before leaving the house.

The roads are a little slick, but the drive won't be too long. He'll be fine, he has to tell himself. He'll always be fine.

***

When Tyler parks, he can see Josh and Debby in the window.

Debby is Josh's girlfriend. She's nice, really nice, and Tyler is thankful Josh found someone. Not only that, but a great someone. She's not too assertive, not too controlling. She helps in just the way he needs her to, and it's good.

The two of them have been together for a long, long time. They were together even when Josh was first starting out in group, and that's what reassures Tyler the most that Debby is good for him. She's been there with him through most of his challenges, and she hasn't backed away once.

Maybe Tyler's brotherly instincts take over when Josh is involved, but he can't help it. He wants the best for him.

Finally though, Tyler gets into the coffee shop. It's sprinkling outside, nothing too bad, nothing too concerning.

Tyler walks over to the table Josh and Debby are at and he makes sure not to touch Josh's shoulder like he might of, instead he simply says, "Hey, dude."

Josh quickly turns his way. "Finally."

Tyler chuckles. "My bad,"

He looks down at Jim sitting on the floor beside Josh, smiling down at him. He'd touch him, pet him, give him all the affection his heart desires, but he can't right now. He settles for taking a seat instead, next to Debby and across from Josh.

Josh is still facing the direction Tyler was once at. That's until he hears Tyler speak again, in front of him, "Have you guys ordered yet?" And Josh then looks that way.

He shakes his head. "No, we were waiting for you." 

"Jeez, did I really take _that_ long?"

Debby and Josh both snicker at that. "You didn't," she answers. "Josh was just very adamant on getting here before you so he can pester you about it."

Tyler shakes his head. Of course. Josh is such a child. "Fuck you,"

"Maybe if I knew what you looked like, first." He jokes.

Tyler can't help but laugh. "I'm pretty hot."

Josh hums. "Maybe," he mutters, blinking a few times before turning to Debby. "Is he, Debbs? I trust your judgment more than his." Tyler briefly thinks about how sad it is that Josh has to ask others for opinions on people's looks because he can't see for himself, but he knows it's not a necessary train of thought. Josh sees with his hands, with his ears, with his nose. Everything other than his eyes. And everyone is used to it by now, especially him.

After a certain point in their friendship, they both stopped empathizing for each other's problems and instead thrived from them. Make jokes, pester one another. It's much better. They aren't so negative anymore; they finally decided that maybe they should embrace the problem instead of avoid it.

In many ways, Josh and Tyler have grown together.

Debby looks to Tyler, eyes running up and down his entire body for a moment.

Afterwards, she turns back to her boyfriend. "Such a hunk." She decides.

Tyler cracks a smile.

Josh shakes his head. "I'm not dumb. I've felt his arms; there's little muscle on him." His grip on Jim's harness tightens a bit. "So I'm going to take that as: you had to savor Tyler's feelings, and you lied. He's not hot."

Tyler gives a fake frown even though Josh can't see it. "You don't believe I'm hot? Wow."

Josh hums. "Tell me some hot qualities and maybe I'll change my mind."

Tyler pauses. "Hmm," he lets out. "Well, I am working on this sick six pack, it's coming together really nicel--"

"No, he's not." Debby interrupts, laughing.

Tyler rolls his eyes. "You're no fun."

Debby chuckles to herself. "I'm just afraid he might leave me to be with you if you tell him any more." She jokes, and Tyler quickly snickers at that. He's glad she's playing along, too. She usually does.

"You both suck," Josh decides, pushing his chair out and carefully standing up. "Let's go and order some coffee already."

He begins walking away, so Debby and Tyler follow. Jim leads Josh to the direction he needs to be, he always does, and makes sure he stops in line before Josh could run into anyone. Tyler and Debby stand beside him.

This time, Tyler touches him. He knows he's around now, therefore it won't come as a shock if he feels him. He's made the mistake far too many times of touching Josh unannounced, which ultimately sends him into a state of panic until he figures out who it is.

"What are you feeling?" He asks, hand on his arm.

Josh shrugs. "Iced. Always."

"I know." Tyler mutters.

Josh chuckles, turning his head to look at him. "Then why'd you ask?"

Tyler shrugs, watching the way Josh's eyes twitch to focus, but fail to do so. "Because it just reminds me how gross your taste is."

Josh scoffs. "Says the guy who only drinks black." He grumbles, looking away. "Fucking disgusting." he whispers afterwards.

Niether of them say anything further because the guy in front of them finishes ordering and walks off. "Go forward," Tyler murmurs, and Josh nods. He takes a step closer, now the three-- well, four, if you include Jim-- of them are at the counter.

The cashier examines them. "Hello, what can I get for you?"

"A medium iced coffee and a medium caramel macchiato, please." Josh says, already knowing what Debby wants without having to ask.

The employee nods along to what he says and types the order into the screen in front of her, then looks to Tyler. "And you, sir?"

"Medium black coffee," he mutters.

She nods once again, adding that and then announcing the total. Tyler is about to pull out his wallet, but Debby touches his shoulder, shaking her head. "I've got it." She says, handing the woman enough money. They wait there until she gets her change, and as her and Tyler turn around, Josh reaches out for one of them.

"Tyler?" He asks.

Tyler pauses, walking back over to him. "Sorry." He apologizes. "Grab my elbow. It's a little crowded around here."

Josh nods, one hand on Jim's guide, the other on Tyler's elbow.

Yes, Jim is a guide dog, but it's still hard to maneuver himself and Josh with many people around. Tyler and Debby help when Jim can't do much on his own, like now. Sometimes it slips Tyler's head that Josh might need assistance getting from place to place when they're out because that's usually Jim's job.

Tyler slowly walks him over to where Debby is, passing by everyone, and most clear the way for them.

He never knows whether it's out of respect or not, and he's not sure he ever will.

"We're at the table." Tyler states.

"Okay," Josh breathes out, letting go of his friend's elbow.

Tyler taps his fingers against the chair to make a noise, and Josh perks up at it. "Chair." Tyler mutters, making it clear to Josh where it is so he didn't have to move his hand around to find it himself.

He touches the seat to register it, carefully sitting down.

Tyler sits beside Debby once again when Josh is settled.

"What have you guys been up to since I've last seen you?" Tyler decides to ask. Conversations usually come naturally with the three of them once started. They all just get along really well together, and it's nice to talk. Tyler likes the way Debby's eyes light up when she mentions something that makes her happy, and how Josh always has an ongoing upturn on his lips whether he's aware of it or not.

Probably not.

"A lot of Christmas shopping," Debby says.

Josh nods when he hears it. "We're spending this Christmas at my parent's house. A whole family thing." He shrugs, kind of looking in between the two of them. "Which means we're spending a lot more money than usual, and that isn't fun, but it's worth it. We're getting some pretty amazing gifts, if I do say so myself."

Debby hums. "Definitely pretty amazing."

It seems fun enough. Josh is relatively close with his family, and Debby is as well.

"What about you? Do you have any plans?" Josh wonders, running a hand through his hair.

When Tyler first met him, he used to dye it a lot. Every color you can think of. He said that despite not knowing what any of them looked like, it made him feel vibrant. Good. The kind of edge he liked. But after some time, he shaved it all off, and now it's grown out naturally. Tyler never knew he had curly hair until then. He loves it.

Tyler huffs. "My dad's working Christmas. There's no point in visiting this year."

Tyler was born and raised in Ohio. He lives in California now, though. After the accident, change felt needed, and it was probably the best decision he has ever made. He's never been this pleased with life. Yes, things can be better, but they're _good_ , and that's what matters most.

He usually visits his hometown every Christmas, considering it's one of the only times out of the year he can see his family. Moving had its ups and downs, and although being away from the people who care about him most-- besides Josh and Debby, of course-- it's good for him here.

Being in Ohio is bittersweet. It's where he grew up, it's where he has some of his most fondest memories, but it's also where his life went to complete shit.

He tries to separate the two, yet, that seems to be proven difficult.

"You're not doing anything?" Josh frowns.

Tyler shrugs, sighing. "I guess not. But, it's fine. I'll see everyone next year, hopefully."

Josh doesn't seem to like that. He shakes his head. "I don't want you to be all alone on Christmas, Tyler." He gets out, blinking once, twice. "Come. . . Come spend Christmas with us, yeah?"

Tyler furrows his eyebrows. "No, Josh. That's for your family."

He shakes his head again. "You're family. You're my family. Don't say that, man." He sucks in his bottom lip momentarily. "I don't want you to be all alone; that's supposed to be a day with your friends and family, so come. My mom won't mind making an extra plate of food."

Tyler looks to Debby. She shrugs, giving a small smile.

He exhales heavily and turns back to Josh. "Fine, okay."

Josh smiles. "Good." He lays his hand down onto the table and Debby carefully intertwines their fingers together. The smile lingers. "I wasn't going to stop until you said yes, anyways."

Tyler chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Why do you think I agreed?"

***

The closer it gets to Christmas, the more Tyler starts becoming homesick. Anxious? He's not sure. It's the fact that he knows any other year he would be packing up his bag and heading nearly all the way across the country at this time. It's only a few days before Christmas and that's usually when he would leave.

Instead, he's home.

Alone.

Loneliness creeps up his spine when he least expects it, and because of this, he goes to bed earlier than usual.

He's hoping this Christmas will be good. Though the uncertainty, there's no doubt in his mind that it'll wind up being okay, because Josh is going to be with him, and Josh never fails to brighten his day. Still, the lingering fear of maybe he made the wrong decision lingers over his shoulder.

He shakes his head, pulling the blanket up further.

It will be okay. He knows.

***

Christmas Eve, Josh invites Tyler over to his and Debby's house. Obviously, he agrees. He needs to be around people right now, he needs to get out of the house in general. He's lucky enough to have today and the next off, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be productive.

Even if it's only to go and see his friends, that's okay.

He goes through the same routine he does every morning with his prosthesis, doing the same thing in the bathroom he does every time with his appearance. He also puts on the _same_ red hoodie as before, this time, with black cargo pants. His shoes are green Vans. He decides it's festive enough for Josh, because even though he can't see, he'd still get onto him about not getting into the spirit.

Tyler could always just lie to him and say he's wearing Christmas colors, but that's mean.

Therefore, he doesn't.

Once he's at their home, Debby opens the door. She smiles brightly as usual and lets him inside saying, "Josh is wrapping presents in the livingroom."

Tyler hums, walking into the house. He takes his shoes off at the entrance and slowly makes his way into the room Josh is in, seeing him sitting on the floor and indeed wrapping presents. Jim lays beside him, and he watches Josh's fingers moves around the carpet until he finds the tape.

Tyler walks closer, the floor creaking.

Josh completely stops what he's doing. "Tyler?" He asks.

"Your senses are way too heightened," Tyler mutters, sitting beside him.

Josh shrugs, continuing to wrap. He rips a piece of tape off and runs his fingers around the present until he finds the area that needs it. He's careful when he does it, making sure it's in the right enough place before lifting it up.

He turns to Tyler. "How does it look? Be honest with me."

Tyler examines it. It's a simple green wrapping paper with small white Christmas trees all over it, and it's actually rather neatly wrapped, which should be surprising, but Tyler already knows Josh tries to improve on things like these every year.

"Much better than two years years ago, that's for sure." He says.

Josh chuckles, nodding. "I'll take it."

Tyler smiles. He leans his head onto his shoulder and watches him pat around for something else. He grabs a sharpie, then, pat, pat, pat-- nametags. He hands them to Tyler.

"This one's for Jordan. Put that."

Tyler nods against him. He knows by now that if it isn't braille, his own name, or his signature, Josh can't write it.

Tyler takes off the cap of the marker and writes it for him. "Who's Jordan again?"

Josh touches his knee while waiting for him to finish. "My brother, Tyler." He mutters, looking down at the sound of him writing. "Put it from Debby and I." He then says.

"Already did." Tyler states, peeling the nametag off. "Do you want to put it on?"

Josh shakes his head, so Tyler does it instead.

He and Josh spend the next half hour wrapping everyone's presents for tomorrow. Well, Josh wraps them, Tyler watches, then writes names down on the tags and puts them onto each of the presents. It's a good enough system, and Tyler doesn't mention how uncomfortable it is for him to sit on the floor like this. He stretches his left leg-- his prosthetic one-- out after a while, swallowing thickly and groaning a little.

Josh hears it too, he always does. "Are you okay?"

Tyler sighs. "Yeah, it's just," he falls silent, shrugging, and he knows Josh doesn't see it, but he doesn't care.

Josh furrows his eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

Tyler exhales heavily, leaning back onto his elbows. "My leg, uh, it's just uncomfortable sitting like this."

Josh throws a hand up. "Well, dude, why didn't you say anything? Get up and sit down on the couch." He looks away from him and back to the present. "I've got it from here. Only one present left, anyways. I'll tell you when I need you to write the names."

Tyler doesn't want to all that much, but he decides to get up anyways. Well, tries to get up. It can't exactly happen because he doesn't have the correct mobility in his left foot to do so, and of course, Josh hears him struggling.

"Need help up?" He asks.

Tyler sighs again. He really, really doesn't like being helped. He needs it right now, though. He knows.

"Yeah," he utters.

Josh nods, slowly standing up and sticking his hands out. Tyler grabs one of them, using the other to balance himself and then pushes up from the floor with his right leg, his actual leg. He tumbles a bit once standing, holding onto Josh's shoulder with his free hand to keep himself in place.

"Thank you." He gets out after a moment, letting go of his friend.

Josh begins sitting back down as he says, "No problem."

Tyler hums. He walks over to the couch and takes a seat there, getting comfortable, much more comfortable. He watches whatever is on the television and waits until Josh needs him to write again.

***

Later that night they eat in the livingroom. Debby made an enchilada casserole which is surprisingly phenomenal, Tyler thinks. He knows she's a good cook, she has to be if she's going to live with Josh, really-- not saying Josh can't cook, he can if he really tried, it's just particularly difficult for him-- but yet she never fails to blow either of them away.

"If you don't marry her soon, I will." Tyler says out loud, mostly to Josh, and maybe to Debby as well.

Josh laughs, continuing to eat without turning to face him. "Why?"

Tyler wants another plate. "Because this is fucking amazing. That's why."

Josh laughs once again, and a soft blush runs over Debby's cheekbones. She touches his thigh momentarily as a thank you.

"I do agree it's good," Josh says, finally turning to his friend. "But I think we all know you'd never marry Debby no matter how good her food tastes." His lips upturn in a sly manner after he says it, too aware of everything.

Tyler knows exactly what he's trying to get at, yet he still asks, "By that you mean. . ."

Josh hums. "You're one big homo, you know."

Tyler smiles. "Yeah, I know."

Surprisingly, the one thing Tyler has never really struggled with is his sexuality. He supposed it's because he has faced much bigger obstacles that make worrying about being gay a very small issue. Yeah, he's gay, so what? It's not that big of a deal, it's another aspect of who he is. Just like the color of his hair. Just like his fake leg.

Josh lays his head onto Tyler's shoulder. "You're my homo."

Tyler pushes out a laugh. "If it wasn't for you being with Debby, I'd be very questionable of you, Joshua." Tyler mutters.

Josh chuckles. "What does that mean?"

Tyler ruffles his hair. "It means you're the straightest gay guy I know."

Josh pulls away. "Not even. What? That doesn't make sense. I don't like men."

Tyler rolls his eyes, snickering. "That's not what I meant, you idiot." He takes another bite of his food. "I meant that you're awfully touchy with me. Me. You want some, hmm?"

Josh shakes his head, letting out a small laugh. "Again, maybe if I knew what you looked like." It's kind of baffling Josh doesn't know what his own best friend looks like, but Tyler tries not to dwell on it. "From what happened the other day, doesn't sound like you're much of a catch, man."

Josh knew Debby even before he was legally blind. Completely blind. He got to see her, experience her, bask in her light, but now he can't. Tyler doesn't like bringing it up because it only upsets him; Josh has no recollection of what she looks like anymore. He remembers small details like maybe of her hair being brown, or her eyes, but nothing past that.

Truthfully, it's heartbreaking.

Josh doesn't know what the love of his life looks like.

Tyler shakes his head at the thought, nibbling at his cheek. Josh is the strongest person he knows, and that's a fact.

He struggles, he conquers. He lives, he makes-do.

It's good. It gives Tyler the motivation he needs himself to be more productive. Josh is out here thriving even if he doesn't know what his girlfriend or best friend look like, he's thriving even without being able to drive, or watch a movie, or see a color.

Tyler is empathetic, but also empowered.

"I'm the biggest catch," he eventually gets out.

Josh hums, leaning back. "I guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

***

Christmas day, Tyler wears the same thing as before, but with one of the few pairs of jeans that actually fit him.

Josh told him last night that he and Debby would be coming to pick him up about a half an hour before ten considering the whole occasion at his parent's house starts then, so he's quick to get ready in the morning in order to be prepared.

He gathers his presents, only three. One for Josh, one for Debby, and one for his parents as a thank you for letting him join them this year.

Surprisingly, Tyler has only ever seen Josh's parents very few times, and they all were relatively coincidental moments. They're nice though, Tyler likes them a lot. He doesn't mind spending this Christmas with them opposed to his own family.

But, even though he has met his parents, he's never once met any of his siblings, and that's what scares him the most. He's not sure whether they would like him or not, or if they're similar to Josh personality wise. Tyler gets along with Josh well, obviously, yet there's this fear clouding his head about everyone else.

Tyler isn't much of a sociable person.

This is why he has somehow only managed to make two friends throughout his entire time living in California. 

He tries not to think about it though, knowing full well Josh wouldn't want him to.

It's also then when his phone vibrates in his pocket, and while he pulls it out, it comes as no surprise to see Josh texted him.

**We are here. Be** **quick** **, Stump.**

Tyler chuckles, rolling his eyes while slipping his phone back into his pocket. He makes sure to leave with his few presents, as well as lock the door. He checks the knob just to make sure it really is locked, which it is, and then he walks over to the front of the apartment building.

It doesn't take him long to find their car. He opens the door and gets into the backseat, Jim there beside him, and Josh and Debby in the front.

"Are you festive? If not, you're going back inside and changing." Josh speaks up as soon as he buckles himself in.

"Yes, Josh. I'm festive."

Josh hums while Debby pulls out of the parking space. "Describe it to me,"

Tyler bites his cheek, looking out the window and watching as they slowly drive away from his home. It's still raining, a lot worse than before, to the point where the windowsheild wipers are going off every few seconds. Tyler's chest becomes heavy when noticing, right leg bouncing.

"Uh," he bites his cheek. "Red hoodie. A bright one. Really warm color, and some jeans." He swallows thickly, nerves eating away at him. "And then green shoes. Earthy."

He watches as Debby slowly connects her hand with Josh's on the center console, and how he runs his thumb over her skin.

Because of being around them together more often than not, Tyler is bound to feel like a third wheel, and many times, he does. It doesn't get to him as much as it might of, but it's also disheartening to see them so in love while he has nothing of the sort to look forward to.

Primarily, this is his fault. He's not actively looking for anybody, or even trying in the slightest.

He never actually thinks about it until he sees Josh and Debby do things like that.

Should he start looking for somebody?

Does he need that?

He has no idea.

"I'm sure you look great, Ty. Very festive." Josh says. From what Tyler can see, he's wearing a Christmas sweater and some ripped jeans. Debby's wearing around the same thing, with a headband that has a little Santa hat on it.

Tyler runs his fingers through Jim's coat. He can now.

"Thanks, Josh." He takes his eyes away from the window, not wanting to make himself even more paranoid. "You both look great. Very festive."

Josh nods. "That was the goal," he jokes.

Tyler gives a terse chuckle, and that's all that is said for the rest of the ride. Josh turns the radio on once realizing there would be no further talking, he and Debby singing along to the Christmas music playing.

Once they finally get to Josh's parent's house, Tyler breathes. In and out. Trying his hardest to calm himself down, and when getting out of the car, he has to refrain from rushing to the porch. He waits for Josh and Debby to get Jim's leash clipped on. That's all he really needs today since they're just going to be inside the house, and so Josh grabs onto Debby's elbow once they're ready. Debby's holding a bag full of presents; Tyler doesn't have a bag for his. He holds them himself.

Tyler rings the doorbell once they get to the front, and not even ten seconds later, Josh's mom is opening the door with a wide smile. "Hey! Come in, it's pouring."

The four of them shuffle in, hair matted, clothes a little damp.

Laura pulls Debby into a hug, then Josh, and afterwards, she turns to Tyler and even hugs him as best as she can with the presents in hand. He's a little taken aback by it, but nonetheless returns the gesture.

"It's nice to see you again, Tyler." She speaks sweetly.

Tyler gives a careful smile. "It's nice to see you again, too."

Laura nods against him, pulling away. "You guys can put your gifts under the tree, if you want. I'm about to finish breakfast in a little bit. We'll open presents afterwards." She touches Josh's shoulder gently before leaving to the kitchen.

Josh's grip on Jim's leash tightens a bit. "What are we having to eat?"

Debby leans closer. "She walked off."

Josh falters a bit. "Oh," he gets out.

Debby frowns at his reaction, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I think everyone's in the livingroom, we should go there."

Josh nods. "Okay."

They all make their way to that room, and everyone does seem to be in here. Josh's dad, his two sisters, and two other guys. Tyler knows Josh only has one brother so he isn't too sure who the other is, but he definitely knows which one is his brother because they look extremely similar. His face is a little more wide than Josh's, his lips are a little more thin, but Tyler can already see from here how alike they are.

Jordan smiles. "Look who finally got here,"

Josh laughs. "You live here, you have an advantage."

Jordan's smile lingers. He gets off of the couch and touches Josh's shoulder before bringing him into a hug, which he easily gives back. "Merry Christmas, Josh."

"Merry Christmas, Jordan."

When the two of them pull apart, he says hello to Debby, then his eyes snap over to Tyler. He examines his features a bit before walking back over to the couch without saying a word. Tyler doesn't blame him. It's a little awkward being the only person who isn't exactly related to them here; he wouldn't have said hello either.

Tyler decides to put his presents under the tree once Debby does, Josh saying hello to his family in the meantime.

It's not until Debby is putting the last gift down though when she stands back up and looks to Tyler. "Are you okay?"

He faces her, shrugging. "Just anxious. This is weird." He says quietly.

She gives an empathetic smile with only her lips, touching his arm. "It's okay. Believe me. The first year was really scary for me too, but they made me feel welcomed super fast." She blinks, eyes big and brown. "It's no different for you. You are family, you know."

His heart is in his chest while he nods. "Yeah," he gets out. "Thank you."

She lets go of his arm. "If it's too much for you, don't be afraid to tell Josh and I."

Tyler nods again. "Okay."

Debby seems pleased, and once she's certain Tyler will do just that if it gets out of hand, she walks over to the couch and sits down.

Josh though, he turns despite not having a clue where Tyler is in the room. "Tyler, come over here and say hi." He says, beside his two sister at the couch.

Tyler breathes in and out, nodding. He goes over to them and gives a soft-- more like anxious, really-- smile. He shouldn't be nervous, he knows, but he is, terribly, and he can't help it. Josh's sisters smile up at him, both with ginger hair and Tyler can't tell of either is natural.

"These are my my sisters," Josh comments, like it isn't obvious. He gestures to one of them. "Ashley," gestures to the other. "Abby."

Tyler's awkward smile lingers. "Hey, uh, I'm Tyler."

Josh looks back at him. "Tyler, they know that."

Tyler chuckles through the embarrassment. "Oops." He gets out.

Josh shakes his head, laughing. "Jordan is somewhere around here," he then mutters, carefully taking a seat onto the couch beside his sisters.

Tyler's eyes shift to Jordan, and he gives a small wave with an upturn on his lips. Tyler's Adam's apple bobs, doing the same while sitting down as well. He sits with Debby, no more room where Josh and his sisters are. It's okay. Debby's presence is comforting and he'd rather sit next to her than anyone else, anyways. Especially Jordan. He seems a lot like Josh, and for some reason that has him on edge.

Tyler clears his throat, eyes focusing on the television. It's some Christmas movie.

It's enough to distract him, he decides. Especially when Debby notices the nerves coming from him and links their fingers together.

He finds himself relaxing at the touch, finding comfort in the closeness.

***

Laura makes many, many pancakes for breakfast, as well as bacon and eggs. It's really good, and Tyler is wedged between Josh and his father at the table, quietly eating his food as well as listening in on the conversations happening around him.

He has no input to give, and he shouldn't anyways.

Tyler didn't realize it would be this hard not seeing his family for Christmas. It's throwing him off completely. He misses the way Maddy runs her hands through his hair when they sit on the couch and how his dad would play board games with them for the hell of it.

There's none of that this year.

He feels very out of place.

Josh's family talks about people he has never heard of, laughing at jokes Tyler doesn't find as funny. He's aware that it's no one else's fault except his own, and everyone is only having a good time.

Fuck, Tyler needs to get over this.

He was invited over here so he wouldn't feel lonely, but that's all he feels right now.

He sighs to himself at that, carefully picking his head up from his food and looking at everyone. It's only then Tyler notices Jordan is staring at him, and even so, he never looks away when realizing Tyler has seen, only cocking his head a little.

Tyler blinks, and Jordan does too.

He has this puppy look in his eyes and a terse jaw; a very interesting opposition. That seems to be a common theme with the Dun's. They're soft in many aspects, but also hard at the same time. Still, they're kind people, no matter how hard their exterior might look.

Jordan isn't so intimidating once Tyler examines him more.

His hair curls, his eyebrows are bushy, and there's just the slightest of a gap between his two front teeth. He has this childish aspect to him that Tyler can't exactly put a finger on, but it might be that-- wait, how old even is he?

He finds himself pursing his lips together at the thought, looking away.

Josh is the oldest of the four of them, he knows that much. He glances over to Jordan one more time and he's still staring at him, which leaves Tyler decide he's definitely younger. It's not very respectful to do that, and maybe he hasn't learned. Although, there's no possible way he's _that_ young.

Tyler's confused.

He looks away once again and focuses on finishing his food, deciding that's the least he can do if he isn't going to talk.

Whether Josh notices his uneasiness, he's never sure. He doesn't say anything about it, so Tyler chooses to let this pass. It's fine, he's fine, and maybe he should try be more enthusiastic about the holiday.

It's a good day, right? Yes. He'll have to believe it.

***

When Bill says it's time to open presents, Tyler sinks further into the couch. Both of Josh's parents stand up, leaving their four children, Tyler, Debby, and the guy he now knows is Ashley's boyfriend to sit there and wait.

Laura and Bill begin handing out everyone's presents, and there's so many that it takes a while. Tyler leans onto Josh's shoulder a little bit to reassure himself for something he's unaware of, simply hoping the warmth of his body will make him comfortable. 

It does.

What takes him off guard though is when Laura places a present down on his lap.

He looks up at her with furrowed eyebrows. "What? You. . . You didn't have to."

She shakes her head. "Did you expect to come here on Christmas and not get at least one present?" She scoffs out a laugh. "You're crazy."

Tyler sighs, giving a smile. "Thank you."

Laura gives one back. "Of course, sweetie."

She walks away to grab more presents after that, and Tyler settles for trying to guess what it could even be. Neither her nor Bill know all that much about him, so what would they decide to gift him? Maybe it will be something casual like socks or cologne. He really has no idea.

Tyler's eyes widen when another box is placed onto his lap.

He looks at the nametag and sees it's from Josh and Debby.

It makes sense.

Every year that they have known each other they have given one another something for Christmas, and Tyler quickly learned that they're both very thoughtful when it comes down to it. He appreciates the consideration, yet it also makes him feel insecure about the gifts _he_ gives them. So far, the two of them have been very pleased with what he has gotten for them, but what if that changes?

He tries his hardest. That's what matters most.

Soon enough, every present has been passed out, and once they are, Bill says, "Open them up!"

Tyler takes a deep breath, nodding to himself. He's about to open one, but he gets a bit distracted when Josh leans over to him and asks, "Who's this one from?" Tyler looks down to read it off. "Mom and Dad." He states.

Josh hums, lips upturned. "Thank you." He mutters. "Sorry, by the way. I'm probably going to do that a lot."

Tyler shrugs. "It's all good."

Josh nods in response. He turns back to face his present, and that's where Tyler decides to finally open his. He starts off with the one from Laura and Bill considering he's a little more curious about that one then the other. He's careful for no reason in particular, pulling off the wrapping paper and swallowing thickly when seeing what it is.

"Oh my god," he whispers.

Josh stops. "What?"

Tyler's confused. "I-- how did your parents know I wanted this?"

Josh moves his hand to feel what it is, first accidentally touching Tyler's thigh a little too close than he should, but he gets there. It's a hoodie. Just as simple as that. A mustard yellow kind of color, and Tyler chuckles a bit at the thought of now having a ketchup colored hoodie and a mustard one.

Josh smiles, pulling his hand away. "Is it a _mustard_ _yellow_ one?"

Tyler bites his lip, looking to him. "Yeah. How did you know?"

Josh shrugs. "I told them. They asked me what to get you."

Jim sits at Josh's feet, chewing on a toy Tyler doesn't remember him having. Did Laura and Bill give it to him? They must have.

"You're too good for me." Tyler replies.

Josh laughs, shaking his head. "Did you open ours yet? Do it! I want to see what you think." He snickers a bit mischievously after that, which makes Tyler thoroughly confused, but nonetheless he sets the present aside and grabs the other.

"I am right now." He mumbles.

He tears the wrapping paper and rips the tape around the box, pouring everything onto his lap afterwards. He shakes his head with a small laugh at the sight of it. "Josh," he chuckles.

Josh's grin widens. "Read the letter."

Tyler looks back down at his lap, grabbing the piece of paper and unfolding it.

_Merry Christmas, Tyler._

_We got_ _you_ _daisy_ _seeds and a pot that looks like a_ _stump_ _. Might not seem all that interesting, but_ _I_ _thought_ _a lot about_ _this_ _. I wanted to remind_ _you_ _of how strong you are, and how_ _much_ _you_ _have grown over the years_ _we've_ _known each other. I_ _might_ _not be able_ _to_ _see it, but_ _I_ _know it has_ _happened_ _. I hope you can start_ _growing_ _something_ _just as beautiful_ _as_ _you, as a reminder, as a form of motivation._

_Debby and_ _I_ _love you_ _very_ _much. Thank you for being you._

_Love, Josh. (Written by Debby)_

Tyler doesn't realize he's tearing up until after he finishes reading. He sniffles, looking back to his friend. "Josh," he repeats.

"Do you like it?" He asks.

Tyler shakes his head with a soft laugh, pulling him into a tight hug. "Do you even have to ask that?" He utters against him, rubbing his back. He then looks to Debby over his shoulder and touches her hand. "Thank you." He says to the both of them.

Once the two of them pull away, Josh looks ecstatic. "I wanted to get you something to remind you that you can grow, and what better to put it in than a _stump_ pot?" He laughs at the thought of it, chest rumbling with pleasure.

Stump has been Tyler's nickname for a while. Maybe it shouldn't be as casual at it is between them, but he doesn't mind. It helps him overcome his insecurities about that part of his body, and bringing light to it opposed to moping around at what he lacks, it's for the better, definitely.

"Aren't you clever," Tyler rolls his eyes with a small smile.

"Mhm." Josh hums. "You're just going to have to buy the soil, then you're all set. You better take care of it. Send me updates."

Tyler carefully begins putting everything back into the box and closes it up. "Don't worry. You're going to get updates."

"Good." Josh says under his breath, a t-shirt of his favorite band in hand. It must have been the gift from his parents. "You should name it. The stump pot. Debby said it has a little face on it, does it?"

Tyler glances at it in the box, brows lifting. "Yeah, it does."

Josh nods. "Yeah, you should definitely name it then." He purses his lips together. "What's it gonna be?"

Tyler doesn't even need to think about it, he says, "Tyler Jr. Obviously. What else would I name it?"

Josh cracks a smile at that. "I can't stand you."

Tyler only smiles as well. He grabs the present he got Josh from off his lap and places it into his hands. "Open it. It's from me." He's nervous, yeah, but he's also excited to see if Josh likes it.

Josh nods and begins tearing away at the paper, struggling a bit until he gets it open. He pulls the two things out, which one is a letter, so Tyler makes sure to tell him to read that first.

It's in braille, for him. Josh taught Tyler how to write in braille a few months after knowing one another, and surprisingly, it really does come in handy. He feels very accomplished for learning it, and he loves the way Josh's face lights up when he can actually _read_ it himself opposed to having someone else do it for him.

He runs his fingers over every bump, and Tyler watches the way his grin becomes bigger by the second. Once he gets to the end, he bites his lip, turning to look at his friend.

"God, I love you." He says.

Tyler hums. "I thought you can't stand me?"

Josh shakes his head, laughing. Tyler got him all-immersive headphones. Josh never asked for them, but he knows how much he enjoys listening to music because it's one of the only pleasures he can really get.

"Thank you, Stump." Josh utters.

Tyler hums once again and looks away from Josh, bringing his attention to everyone else. There's wrapping paper everywhere, boxes all around the floor, and gifts in everyone's laps. Tyler bites his lip when seeing the smile on Debby's face, and then Abigail's, and then Ashley's, and then-- oh my god.

Jordan is looking at him _again_.

Tyler swallows thickly, leaning towards Josh. "Your little brother keeps staring at me,"

Josh sticks his bottom lip out. "Maybe he has a staring problem I never knew about."

Tyler huffs at that. He looks away from Jordan and sinks further into the couch, planning to ignore it for now. Maybe it's something he can't help, maybe he's just nervous about having someone new in the house.

Tyler has no idea.

***

Once they all finished opening presents, everyone wound up in the dining room again. Tyler though, he doesn't move from the couch, deciding to watch whatever is on the television. He's having a hard time being around people right now, so it seems like the best option.

He sits there with his chin on the palm of his hand and his eyes barely open. It's okay for a while, but that until he can feel a sudden weight beside him, and when he turns to look, it's Josh's brother.

His chest gets heavy. "Hi?" It comes out as more of a question than a statement.

Jordan gives a small smile. "Hey,"

Tyler doesn't know what else to say, so he keeps quiet, looking back to the TV without a word.

Jordan though, he continues. "How'd you and Josh meet?"

Does he really not know? Oh.

Tyler glances over to him again. He's more than interested, it seems. His eyes are wide, lips are upturned, giving Tyler all of his attention. It helps him calm down seeing that Jordan isn't nervous, or at least doesn't look like he is. 

"I met him in group," he says.

Jordan purses his lips. "You're not blind." He states.

Tyler shakes his head. "No, I'm not." 

Hesitance then comes, and it makes sense. This isn't an easy topic to bring up, but Tyler knows he's just curious, and he has every right to be. "But you're disabled. . .?" He doesn't go further than that, probably worried to offend him.

Tyler nods. "Yeah. I'm an amputee."

He watches as Jordan's eyebrows lift in shock. "Oh?" 

He looks down at him, looking at his arms, then to his pants.

"Leg amputee." Tyler continues.

Jordan seems to understand then. He nods, carefully looking back up at Tyler. "Can I see?"

Maybe it's weird, Tyler doesn't know. He hasn't interacted with enough people to tell what's acceptable and what's not, but this feels fine, and besides, it's Josh's brother, so how judgemental could he be? 

Tyler slowly rolls up his left pant leg once nodding, exposing his prosthetic leg. He can hear the way Jordan holds his breath, feel the way his body stills. When Tyler looks back up at him, Jordan's eyes are wide.

Jordan's Adam's apple bobs; making eye contact with Tyler. "Sorry I. . . I've never actually seen anyone. . ."

Tyler shrugs, pulling his pant leg back down. "It's cool. I understand."

Jordan leans back into the couch at that, breathing. "I'm sorry for staring at you." He then comments. Not looking at Tyler, but the television. "I was just trying to figure out what it was. I kind of assumed you were from group, but it's obvious you weren't blind, so uh. . . It lead to a very overbearing form of investigation. My bad."

Tyler shrugs again. He isn't so overwhelmed anymore. "It's fine."

Jordan nods, pulling a knee to his chest. "Do you ever tell people you're half robot?" He then asks, and Tyler can't help but smile.

"Usually if it's kids." He mutters. 

Jordan smiles as well, looking back to him. "I'm intrigued."

Tyler cocks his head a bit to the side when he says it, trying to figure it out. He blinks a few times before asking, "How old are you?"

"Nineteen. Why?"

Tyler has to refrain from seeming surprised. He thought he was at least in his twenties. He plays it off though, saying, "Just wondering." Then shrugs.

Jordan hums. He has a curl in his face and stubble on his chin. "How old are you?" He ends up asking, which is fair.

Tyler absentmindedly begins playing with his hair, twirling it around his finger, pulling at it every now and then. "I just turned twenty-five on the first." He mutters, and Jordan doesn't have to be surprised because Josh is the same age.

Jordan squints his eyes though. "I thought you were younger."

Tyler's shoulders lift. "I thought you were older."

Jordan tries to keep it serious, but that doesn't work. He smiles once again and fiddles with his fingers. "You're pretty cool." He decides.

Tyler chuckles. "Thanks."

Jordan's grin gets bigger when Tyler talks. He wonders if he sees him as someone superior because he has a story-- because he's different-- or if it's casual. He hopes it's casual. Really, his lack of that certain body part isn't all he is. He'd say he has a good personality, too.

Tyler knows this is why he has a hard time making friends. He's too self-conscious. 

Jordan's lips part to speak again, but that's right when Josh walks in. "Tyler?" He gets out, knowing he's somewhere in here, just not exactly sure where.

Tyler turns to face him, reaching out to touch the hand he has on Jim's leash. "Yeah?"

"We're leaving right now. Say bye to my parents?"

Tyler nods, carefully standing up from the couch. "Jordan's right here if you want to tell him goodbye." He says, only because Josh probably has absolutely no clue where his brother is at the moment.

"Were you guys talking?" He asks.

Tyler shrugs. "He's under the impression I'm half robot now. I think it went well." He jokes, touching Josh's shoulder for no reason in particular. 

Josh nods, turning when he hears Jordan stand up from the couch. "The rumors are true. My best friend is a robot." He says, sticking his arms out afterwards. "Now hug me. We're leaving."

Jordan chuckles and does indeed pull him into a hug. He rests his chin onto his brother's shoulder, and Tyler is quick to pull his hand away. He waits for the interaction to finish because he's postive Josh will ask to hold his elbow; he tends to do that when they're inside just in case Jim gets overwhelmed and doesn't do what he needs to.

He never actually gets to that point, but Josh is paranoid.

Jordan and Josh pull away after a moment. "See you soon?" Jordan asks.

Josh nods easily. "Debby and I will probably be here for New Years again."

Jordan smiles. "Good." He says, then looks to Tyler. "See you soon." He smiles, and it's odd. He's saying it to Tyler, but knows full-well Josh will assume it's directed towards him.

Tyler's eyebrows pull together in the slightest, cocking his head.

Jordan only continues to smile.

"See you soon," Josh gets out. He turns around afterwards and does in fact grab Tyler's elbow. "Let's go."

Tyler nods, breathing in and out. He guides Josh out of the room, but not before looking back to Jordan who is now on the couch and _still_ staring at him despite knowing Tyler's flaw. That's what confuses him most.

Nonetheless, Tyler waves, and Jordan does too.

***

On the twenty-ninth, Tyler buys soil for his stump pot. The first thing he does when getting home is plant the few seeds, add a little bit of water, and open the window in his room for the sun to come in. He decides to place the pot on his bedside table, hoping one day he'll wake up to it sprouting.

He doesn't have a greenthumb. He has no clue how these things works.

But, he'll try his best. For Josh. Maybe for himself as well. He's not sure.

***

On the thirtieth, Josh calls Tyler, and as soon as he answers, he hears, "I'm such a fucking idiot!"

Tyler's brows pull together. "What?"

"Why didn't I buy you a coffee machine instead for Christmas? You need one." Josh sighs over the line, and Tyler can't help but smile at that.

"Josh, its been four days." He chuckles. "And besides, Tyler Jr gives me company. I've grown attached to him and I'm very content with his presence. You have nothing to worry about." Tyler pulls his sleeve off and sticks it into one of the drawers of his beside table. "I'm just lazy and haven't bought a coffee machine yet."

"Fine." Josh sighs. "How is Tyler Jr doing, anyways?"

Tyler hums. "Still protecting his little seeds under the soil."

Josh hums as well. "Okay, cool." There's a pause. "Well, bye, Tyler. That's all I wanted to call you about."

Tyler chuckles, rolling his eyes. "Bye, Josh. Talk to you--"

"Wait, actually," he cuts him off, and Tyler listens. "I already know you're not going to be doing anything for New Years tomorrow, so why don't you just come with us to my parent's again? You've finally met everyone so there's no reason for you not to."

Tyler sighs. "Josh, I don't want to keep bombarding on you and your family's time together."

Josg groans when he hears it. "Tyler, how many times do I have to tell you, you are family. Stop saying that." He huffs afterwards. "You're coming with us. We'll be there to pick you up around nine tomorrow night. We're going to be there until twelve, so get some rest."

"Fine." Tyler grumbles.

Maybe he's a subconscious hermit. He wouldn't know what to do without Josh.

"Good." Josh decides. "Goodnight, Stump. I love you."

Tyler sighs again. "Goodnight. I love you too."


	2. Part 2

The next day, once Tyler gets home from work, he changes into something a little more appropriate for the occasion. He settles for a black turtleneck with a black pair of cargo pants, and spends the rest of his time watching a show he recorded while he waits.

Debby and Josh pick him up little before nine, it's expected.

It isn't raining like last time, so Tyler feels like he can breathe. He has hope that this will be better than Christmas. Maybe he won't isolate himself as much. Maybe he'll actually try to have a conversation with more than just Debby and Josh.

He decides he'll try this time. It's for the better.

***

Once they arrive, the door is already unlocked, so they walk in with music playing softly in the kitchen and a countdown happening on the television in the livingroom. There's snacks on the coffee table, champagne and other different kinds of wines on the counter in the other room.

Tyler is intrigued.

"You're here!" Laura shouts when seeing them. She walks over with a glass of wine in hand, carefully giving each of them a hug. "It's just us tonight. Ashley and Abigail have other plans."

Josh nods. "Sounds good to me," 

Tyler bites his lip, staring at the champagne.

Laura seems to notice, too. She chuckles a bit and touches his arm momentarily. "Drink it, that's what it's there for."

Tyler smiles.

"Drink what?" Josh asks.

"There's some wine in the kitchen," Laura replies. 

Josh hums. He doesn't drink at all. Of course he can, but it just isn't who he is, and he also expresses his concerns about it whenever it's brought up. Tyler though, Tyler's fine with having a good time. He obviously won't go overboard considering it's in front of Josh's family, so he'll settle for a glass or two.

"I'll be right back." Tyler mumbles, walking into the kitchen. There's glasses beside each bottle, which is good, because he doesn't feel like looking for any.

He watches Laura lead Josh, Debby, and Jim into the livingroom. Their Christmas tree is already down but now the lights are strung up around the room instead. It's nice, and Tyler drinks to it once he pours enough into his cup.

He hasn't had champagne in a while. It's odd, yet also refreshing. It's like he needed it, in some strange way. He has been on edge a lot recently, and he's hoping that something as simple as drinking is going to help with that. He doesn't know why, he doesn't know how, he's only desperate.

"Pour me some?" He then hears.

Tyler turns around to see Jordan. His hair is trimmed at the sides now, and his stubble isn't stubble any longer, it's scruffy.

Tyler tilts his head. "Aren't you not supposed to have any. . . You're nineteen."

Jordan shrugs. "Mom and Dad don't care as long as it's under their supervision." He says it, and Tyler believes him. "Besides, they put vodka in my eggnog on Christmas. I think champagne is fine."

Tyler exhales. "Okay." He mutters, turning back around and pouring Jordan a cup as well. He hands it to him afterwards, and that's when he looks back at him with those big brown eyes. They're like a dog's. A puppy's. Jordan's as curious as one.

"I didn't know you were going to be here tonight." He says, leaning onto the counter.

Tyler takes another sip of his drink. "Neither did I. Josh made me, though. He usually does."

Jordan hums. "Well, I'm glad you're here."

Tyler's eyebrows pull together slightly. "Why's that?"

He gets a shrug in return. "I'll have someone to talk to." He says. "And who's better to talk to than a robot, right? Pretty cool to me."

Of course, Tyler smiles. Jordan and Josh are relatively similar in many ways, and maybe that's why he has been getting along with him this much; he reminds him of his best friend. He jokes like him, kind of looks like him, does many things like him, but he's also so different, and he doesn't know why.

"I guess you're right." Tyler mutters.

Jordan shrugs. "I usually am."

Tyler hums, taking another drink. Once pulling the cup away and looking back to Jordan, his lip curls upwards. "You're pretty cocky."

Jordan shakes his head easily at that. "I'm not, really. I just say stupid shit when I'm nervous."

Tyler purses his lips. "Why are you nervous?"

Jordan shrugs again. He has to think about it this time, taking a sip of champagne beforehand. "New year, I guess." He ends up saying. "Just means I'm getting older and need to get my life together. I'm still living with my parents, that's already a bad sign."

Tyler shakes his head. "You're only nineteen. I think that's pretty normal, right?"

Jordan bites his lip, looking downwards. "Maybe. I don't know. I've been giving it some time before applying to college, and that's probably stupid of me. If it keeps looking like this, I'll most likely be here all the time until I'm at least twenty. And that's only if I get accepted."

Tyler really doesn't understand why he's telling him this, but it doesn't bother him. He may just need to get it out.

"There's a lot of colleges here, you'll be okay. These things take time, you shouldn't let it stress you out so much." Tyler shakes his head softly when realizing he sounds like some kind of shrink.

Jordan gives a careful smile. "You're right." He utters. "What college did you go to?"

Quickly, Tyler's throat gets tight at the question. "Uh, I. . . I didn't go to college."

"Oh, why?" Jordan wonders.

Tyler sighs, chugging the rest of the champagne and already beginning to pour more into his glass once he's done. He looks back to Jordan afterwards, biting his cheek. "I was born in Ohio, and eventually, I moved here. I wasn't thinking about college then and I'm still not." He breathes in and out. "Besides, I have a well-paying job that gets me a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I think I'm okay."

Jordan hums. "Maybe I shouldn't go to college."

Tyler's eyes widen. "No, no. That's not what I was trying to get at. You should definitely go to college. It's going to help you so much in the long run."

He watches a smile make its way onto Jordan's face. "I know," he chuckles. "I want to go to college. Live in the dorms. Meet new people." He pauses, chuckling even more at the thought. "Maybe it will be like those movie scenes where my dormmate will help a man out when he's in need, if you know what I mean."

A faint blush meets Tyler's cheeks. "You know unisex dorms are really uncommon, right?"

Jordan nods. "Yeah. I know. I meant the dude I'd be dormmates with."

The blush on Tyler's cheeks deepens. "Oh, sorry. I, uh, I didn't know you were g--"

"I'm bisexual." Jordan interrupts, taking another sip of his drink.

Tyler nods, clearing his throat. "Okay." Is all he gets out, not sure what else to say.

"What about you?" Jordan ends up asking after a moment. He never takes his eyes off Tyler, and he doesn't know why he's so overwhelmed. He assumed before that Jordan isn't as intimidating as he may seem, but he supposes he's wrong.

"What about me?" Tyler wonders.

Jordan runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I'm picking up that vibe. Is that wrong of me? Sorry."

Tyler's lips go crooked. "Well, I am gay, so."

Jordan nods. "Okay."

"Why did you ask?" He continues.

Jordan shrugs. "I guess I have no social boundaries. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable." He sighs. "I need more friends."

Tyler can't help but smile at that, and it's okay, because Jordan does too. They both laugh a little bit; it's one of those things of finding humor in the worst situations, which Tyler is used to doing.

"I know what you mean," Tyler ends up saying.

Jordan continues to smile. "We should probably go in the livingroom now. I still need to say hi to Josh and Debby, anyways." He takes one more sip before setting his glass down. "And Jim."

Tyler nods. "Okay."

The two of them make their way into the livingroom as a mutual agreement. Tyler takes a seat by Josh, and after a moment, Jordan sits right beside him. Their thighs touch, and Tyler wonders why he's this close because there's so much more room on the couch, but he assumes it's because Jordan really is lonely, and that he really _does_ struggle with boundaries.

It's whatever. Tyler doesn't mind all that much.

"We've been waiting for you two. We're gonna play Cards Against Humanity." Josh states.

Tyler's brows pull together. "With your mom and dad?"

Josh shrugs. "It'll be fun."

Tyler glances to Jordan, he doesn't know why. He purses his lips and raises his eyebrows, shoulders lifting, which doesn't reassure Tyler for one second that this won't be weird, but he lets it pass.

"Okay. Are you and Debby going to team up?" Tyler asks once he faces Josh again.

Josh nods.

Because he can't actually read what the cards say, he has to have someone to help him with that. Sometimes it's Tyler, sometimes it's Debby. It just depends. Though, despite having two people work together, Josh almost never wins, but that also might be because his humor isn't nearly as dark as others.

Before Tyler knows it too, cards are being passed out, and already Jordan is peeking over to look at his stack.

Tyler pulls them away. "Hey, don't cheat."

Jordan turns his body, still staying close though. "Was not."

Tyler looks wearily at him one more time before turning his body as well, for clarity that he wouldn't peek again. And, well, Josh wouldn't be peeking even if he tried, so this is fine.

This is fine.

***

Tyler doesn't know whether to be shocked or concerned that Jordan won all four games. Maybe he should be feeling both. Maybe he is feeling both.

He has no idea.

It's past eleven-forty when they finish playing and when Tyler goes upstairs to use the bathroom. He finds himself becoming anxious the closer it gets to twelve, and really, going to the bathroom is an excuse to get away from everything. A new year is terrifying, but also very exhilarating, and because of this, he's stuck between feeling accomplished and feeling afraid.

He gets in his head too much. He can't can't help it.

Tyler sighs when flushing the toilet. He fixes his hair after washing his hands and takes a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

It's dark in the hallway. He likes it. 

He can hear everyone talking downstairs. It isn't as overwhelming before, but coming to these type of occasions has made Tyler realize how introverted he actually is. He's having a hard time with something as simple as being around his best friend's family longer than what's comfortable.

It's pitiful. He's pitiful.

"Are you hiding up here?" He suddenly hears, seeing Jordan at the top of the stairs.

Tyler shrugs. "New year. Same me."

Jordan hums. "Wanna see my room?"

Tyler shrugs again. "Why?"

Jordan bites his lip, walking to one of the few doors in the hallway. "Might get your mind off the things you're worrying about. I don't know. I have some pretty cool stuff." He looks to him. "I can show you my drawings."

"You're an artist?" Tyler asks.

"Mediocre at best."

Tyler smiles at that. "Okay." He says, making his way over once Jordan opens the door. He walks in to see that the walls are painted dark blue, and there's posters and drawings all over the place, as well as glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.

"It's a mess." Jordan mumbles.

"I like it." Tyler replies. 

Jordan lips turn upwards. He goes over to the desk tucked in at the corner of his room. "This is what I've been working on recently." Tyler moves closer to see, eyes widening at the sight of it. "I wanted to do some type of intergalactic character. I don't know. It's pretty fun to draw, and space interests me."

It's only a sketch so far, but Tyler is amazed. Every detail adds to it perfectly, and it's mind boggling how he can make something with three eyes look so realistic.

"Jordan, that's. . . That's really good." He gets out.

Jordan's eyes meet his. "You think so?"

Tyler nods easily. "Yeah. Holy shit."

Jordan smiles, opening one of the desk drawers and pulling out more. All of them are rather colorful, and most have to do with space. It's something Tyler just now learns Jordan is fascinated with.

"Josh always says how cool space sounds. I think I do a lot of these for him." He says quietly.

Tyler looks through them, but pauses when one stands out. "Isn't that--"

"Josh's tattoo? Yeah." Jordan lifts the paper. It's of an astronaut being abducted by a UFO. "I drew it for him a while ago, and I guess he decided he liked it without actually being able to see it." He chuckles. "I think he trusts my judgement too much."

"He never told me you drew it." Tyler mutters.

Jordan shrugs, dismissing it. "I like sci-fi stuff, but I also do realism." He comments, pulling out a sketch book with multiple different drawings of things on each page. Hands, noses, lips, eyes. "This is Debby." He points out on a certain page.

"These are all amazing," Tyler says, flabbergasted. "Maybe you should go to an art school." He then suggests.

Jordan looks to him again. "Yeah?" He hums. "I'll look into it."

"Definitely. Because these are so not mediocre at best."

Jordan smiles wide when he says it, but that's until he can hear everyone downstairs counting down. "Oh," he whispers. He has to look up at Tyler because he's just the slightest bit taller than him, and Tyler looks down at him, Adam's apple bobbing.

"Um, we should probably go--"

When everyone shouts _one_ , and then _happy_ _new year,_ Jordan blinks. "Kiss me."

Tyler's heart skips a beat. "What?"

"Kiss me." Jordan repeats.

Tyler's chest moves up and down unevenly, eyelashes fluttering over and over again to process it. "Why would I do that? I-- you're Josh's little bother."

Jordan's eyebrows pull together. "So? That has nothing to do with it. Just kiss me. It's New Years, after all." He touches his cheek afterwards, and that's when Tyler realizes that maybe the champagne is taking over because he does lean in and he _does_ kiss him. It's slow at first, nervous, but that's before they both realize it's actually happening.

Jordan holds onto his chin after a moment, guiding it. He breathes against him and Tyler's fingers go to his neck, leaning closer for more, tilting his head for a better angle-- everything. Jordan is bold enough to make them touch tongues, just barely, and Tyler is quick to pull away right after it happens.

He pinches the fabric of his shirt, clearing his throat.

Jordan smiles. "Who knew robots could kiss so well."

Tyler's cheeks flush at that. "You're a dork. Be quiet." He whispers, taking his hand off of his shoulder. "We need to go downstairs."

Jordan only continues to smile. "I kind of wanna kiss you again."

Tyler huffs, biting his lip. "Jordan," he gets out.

He shrugs. "It's true."

Tyler shakes his head. "Come on, let's go downstairs."

Jordan sighs, but nonetheless follows him out of the room after turning the lights off. He and Tyler slip back into the livingroom like nothing happened, or at least, they try to. Debby touches Tyler's hand when she sees him, pulling him close. "Are you okay?"

Tyler sucks on his saliva. "Yeah, why?"

Debby eyes him. "Your face is flushed is all."

He gulps at that, glancing to Jordan, who, for once, isn't staring. He looks to Debby again though, giving a nervous smile. "I think I drank too much champagne," he says.

Debby snickers at that, pulling him into a hug. "Happy new year, Tyler." She whispers, pressing a swift kiss to his cheek before pulling away.

Tyler closes his eyes, breathing. "Happy new year."

***

It's not until one in the morning where Josh leans over to Tyler and tells him they're going to head out, which he's thankful for, because the champagne really is getting to him. He's exhausted, a little tipsy, and he feels overwhelmed knowing he kissed Jordan.

Josh helps him up from the couch, patting his back for good measure. "I'm going to say goodbye and then we'll leave."

Tyler nods easily. He hugs Josh's parents and waves meekly at Jordan before making his way into the entry, walking past Debby and Jim.

He waits patiently, but looks up in time to see Jordan slowly pull away from Josh's embrace and walk over to where he is.

"What's up?" Tyler asks when he's in front of him.

Jordan pulls out his phone. "Give me your number, yeah?"

Tyler's eyebrow furrow. "Why?"

Jordan shrugs. "I need more friends. I told you this."

Tyler's lips go crooked as he says it. "Jordan, you should probably get friends your own age." He doesn't mean for it to come off as harsh, but maybe it does. He's either saying it to protect Jordan or to protect himself. He's not sure, really. He's still wrapping his mind around the fact that he kissed Josh's little brother.

"I thought you were cool." Jordan plays. "Don't be a party pooper. What if I want to tell people I'm friends with a half robot, hmm?"

Tyler looks to him, and sighs. He glances at his phone before reaching out for it. "Just give it to me, then." He grumbles.

Jordan complies with a huge smile, watching Tyler type his number in while bouncing back and forth on the heels of his feet like a child might do because an overwhelming amount of excitement-- nevermind. That's exactly what this is.

Tyler hands his phone back to him, muttering, "Don't send me stupid shit."

Jordan just hums, lips coming together.

Tyler watches him walk off without a word, back over to Josh to give him one last hug, whispering something into his ear which makes him laugh.

Debby guides him over to the entry afterwards, looking to Tyler. "Ready?"

He nods. "More than you know."

***

Tyler's almost surprised it takes Jordan six days to finally send him a text. He seems like the type of person who would never leave him be, but Tyler supposed he was wrong.

It wasn't like he was waiting for a text from him though, no. He wasn't. He was only curious as to why he asked for his number but took nearly a week to text him anything is all.

**M** **y new intergalactic** **character** **has a mechanical leg. He's a badass if you** **ask** **me.**

Tyler rolls his eyes with a small smile when reading it. 

**What's** **his name?**

He sits on the couch and decides to watch TV considering it wouldn't be so bad to catch up on all the shows he has been recording these last few days. Most of them are cooking shows for some reason, others from MTV. He has a strange taste, but it's okay.

His phone vibrates once again.

**I call him Agayb.**

Tyler pauses when he reads it. Finding it humorous, yet, not very creative. He can do better.

**...A gay?**

**AgayB. Don't forget the B.**

**Sounds familiar if you ask me.**

**Maybe. Is that** **okay** **?**

Yeah, it's definitely about him, if it wasn't already obvious. It comes as no surprise that Jordan is pulling inspiration from him though, because what else is an artist to do? Tyler's sure he's intriguing enough for something like this to happen, and he's glad Jordan is at least using it in a postive light.

**I** **don't** **care. It's kind of** **admirable** **.**

**Good.** **That's** **the goal.**

**I think** **I** **might make Agayb some sort of comic strip** **if** **the story** **continues** **.**

Tyler swallows thickly at that, only because it's a little overwhelming how attached he's becoming. He didn't want that kiss to lead Jordan on, if there was even anything to lead with in the first place. He simply did it because, well-- actually, he doesn't know why he did it.

It was stupid of him, wasn't it?

**Why** **should** **the story continue, anyways?**

The response takes longer than usual. Tyler nearly feels bad.

**Because** **I'm** **quite fond** **of** **his character. Is that okay?**

Tyler sighs, _fuck_. Of course. He should have thought more about their kiss on New Years, he should have dwelled more on the fact that it is literally Josh's brother. His best friend's brother. Isn't that wrong of him? Doesn't that break some sort of unwritten moral? He has no idea.

**I** **don't** **know** **, Jordan.**

**I think you** **worry** **too much.**

**I** **don't** **think you worry enough.**

Tyler slumps further into the couch, not having a clue what's happening in the show because he accidentally lost any of his focus on it.

**That's** **fair.**

**Well,** **I'm** **going to** **keep** **drawing** **.** **I'll** **send you an** **update** **when he looks presentable.**

For some reason, Tyler worries that he's made him feel bad. Feel bad for having what, some kind of crush on him? Is that what it is? Tyler doesn't think about it like that, but also, Jordan's age never slips his mind and it's probably typical for him to still develop feelings like that. He's young. He's impressionable.

Why Tyler, though?

**I'm** **sure** **he'll look** **amazing** **.** **Can't** **wait** **to see.**

**Talk to you later.**

Jordan never responds after that, which leaves Tyler to dwell horribly on his decision. He's made a bad one. This isn't good. Should he keep this a secret or tell Josh? How much should he tell Josh? And also, what is he keeping a secret? That his little brother is growing feelings for him? 

That's not his fault. Yet, it feels like more, and that's the scariest part.

***

A few days later, he, Josh, and Debby go out for coffee once again. It's different this time though, and he tries to hide the fact that he's nervous, yet of course they both sense it. Josh doesn't even have to be able to see in order to know.

But, for some strange reason, neither of them point it out. They both let it pass. Like breeze in the spring and a riptide in the ocean, and Tyler can't stand it. It makes him feel even more guilty, even more ashamed, even more disgusting.

He shouldn't have kissed Jordan, he knows, and he won't blame it on the champagne either.

It's not until they get to Josh and Debby's house where Tyler really can't handle it all.

While Josh is showering and Tyler and Debby are alone in the livingroom, that's when Tyler crumbles. He falls onto her shoulder and just cries, letting it all out, tear after tear and Debby rubs his back.

"What's wrong, Ty?"

He shakes his head, sniffling. "I've done something stupid."

She runs a hand through his hair. "What do you mean?"

Tyler breathes in and out. "You can't tell Josh. At least, not right now. I-I, fuck, I can't even think about telling him."

Debby nods. "Okay."

Tyler pulls away from her shoulder to look at her. He wipes his tears away and tugs at the hoodie Laura and Bill gave him for Christmas. "When, uh, when-when you asked me what was wrong on New Years because I was flushed, it wasn't just because of the champagne, it. . . Jordan and I kissed?"

Tyler's heart beats loudly in his ears, and Debby only blinks.

Fuck.

He's about to open his mouth again, but she finally says something. "I kinda knew something happened between you two."

Tyler's face falls into a state of confusion. "You did?"

She shrugs. "Yeah. You both were gone for a really long time twice that night. Kind of hard not to assume something happened, you know?"

Tyler frowns. "I feel like shit. I shouldn't have done it. I don't know why I did." He breathes, biting his lip. "I-- do you think Josh is going to be upset? I don't know how to tell him, or if I even should. Isn't it kind of weird to kiss your best friend's brother?"

Debby touches his knee. "Depends on the circumstance."

"What do you mean?"

Debby looks away momentarily. "Do you like him? Or was it an in the moment kind of thing."

Tyler swallows thickly at that. "I don't know? He heard everyone counting downstairs and kept telling me to kiss him, so I--" he's embarrassed. "So I kissed him. It just happened, and I don't know why."

Debby nods along to what he says. "Well, if it was only a kiss, it's not a big deal. A one time thing."

Tyler feels frozen.

Debby notices, too.

"Was it not a one time thing?" She asks slowly.

More tears roll down his cheeks; he shakes his head. "I don't know, Debby. I'm so confused." He cries into his palms, feeling unbelievably pathetic. "He told me he's interested in me, but all I can think about is him being Josh's brother."

Debby holds one of his hands, ignoring the stickiness of his tears. "If he wasn't Josh's brother, what would you do?"

Tyler doesn't respond.

"Tyler, what would you do."

He squeezes his eyes shut, leaning back against the couch. "I would tell him I'm interested, too." He whispers.

Debby nods. "I'm not going to say that it won't upset Josh, because I have no idea, but you can't hold yourself back from being happy for anyone else's sake. I'm sure Josh will be fine; it isn't anything terrible." She sucks on her bottom lip. "Besides, if you're asking me, I think you and Jordan both really need someone, anyways."

Tyler's grip tightens around her hand. "What if this somehow ruins our friendship? You and him are all I have."

Debby shakes her head, pushing a hair behind his ear. "You and Josh have been through thick and thin. I don't think something like developing feelings for his brother is going to change that." She brings his hand to her lips and kisses each knuckle. "And if it does, I promise you I'll knock sense into him."

She smiles, and so Tyler does too.

"Thank you." He says.

She only pulls him close and gives him a hug he didn't know he needed. "It's going to be okay. Focus on yourself, for once."

Tyler nods. "Okay."

***

On the twelfth, Jordan texts him again. He sends a photo of his drawing with a tremendous amount of detail and minor coloring done. Tyler can't help the upturn on his lips, biting the dead skin around his thumb and reading the message.

**Agayb is in** **the** **midst of being colored. How are you liking it?**

**I** **love** **it.**

**Good.**

Tyler doesn't know what else to say, but after a moment, Jordan sends him another text.

**How do you** **think** **Agayb is feeling about that comic strip?**

He breathes in and out, knowing full-well what Jordan means. It leads him to think about what Debby said the other day, how he should let himself be happy. Yet, Tyler isn't sure that means trying things out with Jordan. He's conflicted beyond belief, and scared, too.

Still, his fingers move against his keyboard, and before he's acknowledging it, he presses send.

**I think that would be okay.**

Tyler bites his lip reading over it, hoping that this isn't a mistake.

He trusts Debby's judgement, though. He _will_ be okay. 

**I really like the** **sound** **of** **that.**

**We should go out for lunch** **sometime** **. I** **have** **nothing** **better** **to do, and** **I'm** **sure my dad will give me some cash if** **I** **asked.**

He figures Jordan is finished, but his phone vibrates one more time, and Tyler can't help but snicker when he sees it.

**Maybe I** **should** **look** **for a** **job.**

**I can pay. Because** **, you know,** **I** **in fact have a job.**

**So** **that's** **a yes?**

For some reason, Tyler has to set his phone down for a moment to really consider it. It's a date, isn't it? Should he be going on a date with Josh's-- nevermind. He needs to stop thinking about it like that. He needs to do this for himself.

It has been a while since he has seen anyone. This could be a good thing.

He picks his phone back up at the thought, typing slowly.

**Yes. I guess** **that's** **a yes.**

**Awesome. Just** **text** **me when** **you're** **free.**

**I'm** **free on the weekends.**

Maybe he's just desperate to get out of the house and interact with someone different. Not that he's tired of Debby or Josh, god, no, only because it's new for him. A positive thing for him to do. Push himself to get out of his comfort zone.

**Let's go to that new all you can eat on main street then. Saturday?**

**Okay, sure. What** **time** **?** **I'll** **meet you there.**

**1, yeah?**

Tyler gulps harshly, eyes running over his phone screen a few times to process it. He's doing it. He's not worrying. He's going to go on this date with Jordan, and they're going to have fun. He deserves that.

**Sounds like a plan.**

**I'll see you then.**

***

The nineteenth couldn't have come any slower. He spent those few days working of course, but also trying to seem collected in front of Josh. It took everything in him not to confess that he's going on a date with Jordan, because he's not ready for that. Sure, he isn't certain when he will be, but for right now, it's definitely not the time.

Making his way to that restaurant is nervewracking. He grips the steering wheel and tries his hardest for the faint sound of the radio to relax him. It does its best, though, the nerves never leave until he gets out of the car.

The first thing he does is pull his phone out. 

**I'm** **here. You?**

**I'm** **already inside. Waiting for you. You took forever.**

Tyler shakes his head at the thought of how much he sounds like Josh.

He slips his phone back into his pocket and slowly walks into the building, examining the interior just because. He looks to the left, and doesn't see Jordan. He looks to the front of him, and doesn't see Jordan. It's not until he looks to the right where he catches Jordan waving at him with a small smile and a freshly shaven face.

Tyler quickly walks over and slips into the booth. 

"I'm glad you showed up." Jordan says, some of his nails painted black, others painted dark blue.

Tyler bites his lip. "Why wouldn't I?"

Jordan shrugs, pulling something from his messenger bag. It's a huge rolled up paper that's tied by some purple ribbon. "I brought this for you." He utters, handing it to him.

Tyler carefully takes off the ribbon after some hesitance, unraveling the paper only to reveal the finished product of Jordan's drawing. Agayb. His skin is a light shade of pink, and his mechanical leg has multiple different engravings into it. His hair is shaved on both sides but is spiked at the top, a goatee adoring his face. Tyler can barely breathe when taking it all in.

"Jordan-- holy shit." He gets out.

"Do you like it?" Jordan wonders.

Tyler shakes his head. "You're insane. I-I can't take this. You worked really hard on it."

He notices smaller details, like a scar in Agayb's eyebrow, and how his uniform has mustard yellow patches on it. He also has badges, one with an eye in it, the other with a dumbbell. 

Jordan blinks. "No, it's for you." He states. "It's inspired by the best half robot I know."

Tyler looks up at him. "Aren't I the only half robot you know?"

Jordan smiles at that. "Maybe I'm bias."

Tyler sighs, nonetheless rolling it back up and slipping the ribbon on to hold it. "Thank you. I really like it."

Jordan nods easily, slowly moving out of the booth. "No problem." He says. "Let's get some food now, yeah? I'm starving." He reaches his hand out for Tyler, who accepts it hesitantly. He helps him up from the seat and the two of them only hold hands for a few more moments before Tyler pulls away, clearing his throat.

It's not until they're at the buffet where Tyler learns Jordan eats like a monster. He watches him dump food after more food on his plate, so much to the point where he has to make room for it.

"You're hungry." Tyler mumbles when noticing.

"I'm a growing boy," is how Jordan replies, dumping some macaroni and cheese on top.

Tyler gives him a look with hooded eyes, and an unintentional smirk. "You're nineteen, not nine."

Jordan hums, dismissing it. "You ready?" He asks, glancing down at Tyler's plate which isn't nearly as full as his own.

"Yeah." Tyler utters, licking his lips in thought.

He finds it odd how assertive Jordan can be. Well, maybe it isn't so much assertiveness, but more so the need to have a grasp on everything as soon as he can. He's rather demanding, Tyler won't lie, yet, for some strange reason, it's kind of charming. He likes that Jordan controls every situation, and he likes that he doesn't have to dwell so much on things because he already has an answer. A plan.

When they sit back down, Tyler glances to him.

Actually, he stares, because he thinks he gets it now. He's entranced. Intrigued. Curious. Many things, really.

He watches Jordan grab a spoon to eat his macaroni and cheese opposed to a fork, and he watches him take a nice big bite before looking up and connecting eyes with Tyler.

His chewing slows down. "What?" He asks.

Tyler blinks. "Don't speak with your mouth full."

Jordan rolls his eyes and finishes chewing, swallowing thickly after a moment. "Okay. You staring at me is not helping with my nerves right now-- I know I do it a lot to you, but--"

"You're nervous right now?" Tyler cuts in.

Jordan's shoulders lift, nodding. "Uh, yeah. Of course."

Tyler purses his lips. "Why?"

Jordan shakes his head slightly. "What do you mean why? I. . . I'm out with a guy I like, I'm bound to be a little nervous, aren't I?"

Tyler takes that information and swallows it whole. "So this is a date," he says, more to himself, but Jordan obviously hears as well. He watches him shrug his shoulders and look downwards; it's the first time Tyler has actually seen him look anxious.

"Well, yeah. It's a date." Jordan mumbles. "I don't know. Did I not make that obvious? I'm sorry. I'm so bad at this, jeez." He sighs.

Tyler bites his lip. "You're doing just fine. It's okay."

Jordan looks up at him again with those doe eyes like usual. Tyler is starting to appreciate them unbeknownst. "It. . . It isn't weird that I kind of have a thing for you, right? I know you're worried about me being Josh's brother, but I already know it won't be a problem." He exhales. "Do you like me even? If not, this is weird. I'm sorry. I think I have attachment issues or something."

Tyler gives a careful smile. It's cute when he rambles. "Would I be on a date with you it I didn't like you?"

It's a big step for him. The subtly of it though, it's tremendous.

Jordan's face brightens at that; those words alone seeming to help with the worries he has had. "Awesome." He whispers, the corner of his lips turning upwards. "Am I doing this too fast? I don't really know."

  
Tyler shakes his head. "I think it's okay. I trust your pace."

Jordan nods at that, blinking a few times. "Hold my hand while we eat?"

Tyler isn't scared. He doesn't think he will be, either. "Is that what you want?" He asks.

Jordan nods again. "Yeah." He says. "Is that what you want?"

Tyler sucks on his bottom lip, contemplating.

He ends up not answering, only slowly intertwining their fingers together on top of the table. He uses his other hand to grab a fork and begin eating, so Jordan follows his lead, doing the same thing.

It's only quiet between them for a little while, soft grins on both of their faces, hearts in their throats. Tyler feels like a fucking teenager again, but for some reason, he doesn't mind. The way sunshine hits the bridge of Jordan's nose and how it lights up his eyes, it makes him forget about anything that could be nervewracking. He needs to live. He needs to breathe.

Jordan is helping with that.

"I like your nails." Tyler ends up saying after a moment.

Jordan smiles. "Thank you. I'm not sure why I painted them."

Tyler shrugs, hand tightening around his absentmindedly. "I like how weird you are."

Jordan sticks his bottom lip out. "Am I really that weird?" He wonders, suddenly looking down at himself only to realize he's wearing a shirt with multicolored cats on it. "Well, maybe a little." He mutters, bringing his attention back to Tyler. "What do I do that's weird?"

Tyler hums. He eats another piece of his food while thinking about it. "Well, for one, you stare a lot. At first it made me overwhelmed but now I'm used to it. It kind of feels weird if you aren't looking at me--"

"That's just because I'm very engaged in everything you do." Jordan comments. "It's not weird."

Tyler bites the smirk off of his face. "Yeah," he agrees to please him. "Then you draw aliens based on a person you've only known for like a month--"

"Okay, first of all, Agayb is not an alien, he's an intergalactic character." Jordan huffs. "Secondly, he's only inspired by you. He's definitely not you." At the thought, he cracks a smile. "If he was you, I would have gave him a lot less muscles and much bigger lips."

"I--" Tyler's shoulders tighten and then relax. He lets out a breath, eyebrows pulling together minimally. "I'm a hunk. Thank you."

Jordan eyes him, an amused look on his face. "Not sure which universe you live in, but definitely not."

Tyler pulls his hand away. "You don't think I'm attractive?"

Jordan grabs his hand again. "You don't have to be a hunk to be attractive. I think you're pretty hot the way you are now." He says it easily, and Tyler has a hard time believing he's actually nervous, but he also remembers him saying he says 'stupid shit' when he is. It makes sense.

A blush meets Tyler's cheeks; he allows him to intertwine their fingers together again. "Yeah. Okay." Tyler clears his throat. "Shut up."

Jordan's smile only widens. "Why don't you like it when I say stuff like that to you?"

Tyler looks downwards. "It's not that I don't like it, it's just--" he sighs. "I don't know. Weird. I think it's because I actually really enjoy it and that's what makes me so, like, flustered."

Jordan gets this look in his eye as soon as it's said. "So you actually love it, hmm?" He snickers. "Well now that only encourages me to say stuff like that more often to you."

Tyler rolls his eyes. "Stop. You wouldn't." He pauses. "What would you even say, anyways?" Though, he regrets it as soon as it's out, and he's quick to shake his head afterwards. "Nevermind. I definitely don't want to know. You are not allowed to be inappropriate."

Jordan fake-frowns. "I'm always inappropriate."

"Even more reason for you not to be."

Jordan huffs dramatically. "I'm fresh out of highschool-- okay, not really, but still, I am fully eligible of being inappropriate. I've got that hormonal teenager mindset going."

"No." Tyler mutters.

"Why not?"

"Because I said so." It's simple enough.

"What if I say so? You don't make the rules. I can tell you anything I want, yeah? Because you are attractive, you are hot. You might not be a hunk but I'd still get on my kn--"

Tyler's eyes widen. "Jordan, stop. You need to stop."

Jordan smacks his lips. "You suck."

Tyler carefully glances down.

There's silence before he mumbles, "By the sound of it, you do." With a smirk slowly making its way onto his face. He supposes he can play that game too, if he really wanted.

Jordan is bashful. "That's more like it." He assures. "And maybe you're right."

Tyler tries to ignore the blush growing on his cheeks again, but of course it doesn't pass with the other person across from him.

"Are you thinking about it?" Jordan then asks.

Tyler's palms start to sweat. "Thinking about what?"

He must get by now why it's embarrassing to talk about these kind of things in public, because he leans over and whispers in Tyler's ear opposed to saying it out loud. Tyler trembles feeling his lips on his skin, blush increasing as his breath hits sensitive areas. "Me sucking your dick," Jordan gets out, pulling back to sit down but not before pressing a kiss to his jaw.

Tyler is overwhelmed.

Definitely.

"This is our first date," he utters, voice wavering.

Jordan shrugs, continuing to eat. "So what?"

Tyler swallows thickly. "Isn't that too fast?"

Jordan shakes his head easily, chewing the rest of his food before answering. "If you're comfortable with it now, I'm comfortable with it now. It's not too fast then."

Tyler sighs. "But morally, isn't that wrong?"

Maybe he's stalling.

"I-- no? It doesn't matter." Jordan bites his lip, looking up at him, and it's different this time. Should it be? "Do you want it? I want it. Pretty bad, too. That might be wrong of me but I don't care. I know what I want is all."

Tyler closes his eyes, breathing in and out. It's too much. Too soon. Too fast. He knows it is. Besides, he can only imagine how much guilt he would feel doing anything like that after only knowing and talking to Jordan for so long. Not to mention, "Josh." He says.

Jordan seems confused. "What?"

Tyler opens his eyes to look at him again. "I can't. Not until I tell Josh about this."

Jordan's lips go crooked. He scrapes at the crumbs on his plate. "I told you, I highly doubt he would mind. You guys are best friends, for a long time, too. He wouldn't let this get in the middle of it."

Tyler's Adam's apple bobs. "It's not that, Jordan. I know that's probably true, but that doesn't mean I should hold off from telling him until after kissing you, until after going on a date with you, until after letting you-- yeah." He sighs. "I won't. I'm sorry."

Jordan shrugs. He seems to do that a lot. Be passive. "It's fine. I understand." He looks downwards. "That probably was too fast, anyways. I told you I'm bad at this."

Tyler squeezes his hand tighter. "So am I. It's okay."

Jordan lets out a deep breath, nodding. "Just, uh, tell me when Josh knows, yeah?"

Tyler gives him a soft smile for reassurance despite needing it more for himself than anyone else. "Of course I will." He tells him, because it's true. Maybe Tyler really did want to text Jordan when he knew he had his number.

***

Tyler only hugs Jordan tightly before they part ways. Not a kiss, not anything suggestive, and he's sure it's best this way for now.

Jordan doesn't seem to mind, though, he never does

***

It takes a few days for Tyler to gain the courage to speak to Josh about everything. Worries run through his head in a sprint, and really, it feels like he's gasping for breath any time he thinks about telling him finally.

He decides to do it on the twenty-fifth.

One month of knowing Jordan.

One month to push him, to be brave, to be strong. To be positive, in all honesty.

He can do it, he knows he can, and that's why he's now sitting across from him at a coffee shop they've only ever visited a few times. He picked him up and brought him here, knowing this needed to be done alone.

Josh talks, and Tyler tries his best to listen, but it's the last thing he can think about right now. Jim stares up at him from his place on the floor, knowing full-well how unbelievably anxious he is, which Josh, for once, somehow doesn't catch. Not that he's aware of, at least.

Tyler inhales when it's finally quiet between them, feeling slightly guilty for disregarding everything his friend just said. "Josh," he whispers. 

Josh is smiling. He always is. "What's up?"

A thickness of saliva is swallowed, and Tyler might throw up. "I have to tell you something."

Immediately, Josh's face falls a bit at that. Probably from the tone. Probably from knowing too well that this can't be anything good.

"Yeah?" He utters.

Tyler sighs. "I don't. . . I don't want to tell you. I'm afraid you're going to be upset. I'm afraid I've messed everything up, and that I've done something extremely selfish." His chest is already heaving. Maybe all of this was a mistake.

God, he's so stupid.

Josh frowns, touching his knee beneath the table once he finds it. "Tyler, it's okay. You can tell me."

Tyler shakes his head. "What if this gets in between us? I don't want to lose you as my friend." He closes his eyes. "You mean so much to me."

Josh nods. "And you mean so much to me, which means no matter what you have to say right now, I will keep calling you my bestfriend. Yeah?"

Tyler opens his eyes again, breathing in, breathing out. "Okay. Yeah."

The only thing keeping him reassured is both Jordan and Debby telling him they're sure everything will be okay. He has to believe them, because he doesn't believe in himself. They're the glue right now, the train, everything of the sort. He's thankful, but guilty.

"There's no simple way of putting this," Tyler gets out, and Josh only waits, so he continues. "Jordan and I are. . ."

His heart thumps.

His chest aches.

"Jordan and I are seeing each other."

Josh's expression is so minimal, Tyler feels sick.

He watches him blink a few times before pulling his hand away from his knee, and that subtle sense of warmth and reassurance is ripped away from him.

"Like, dating?" He finally asks.

Tyler still isn't relieved. "No. Not exactly." He runs a hand through his hair nervously. "It's just, uh-- I don't know. We kissed on New Years, Josh. When we were upstairs and he was showing me some of his art, he heard everyone counting down and he kept telling me. . . _Kiss me_."

Josh purses his lips. "And you did?"

Tyler wants to cry. "Yes."

Josh hasn't moved. "What else?"

Tyler feels tears well in his eyes, only because this isn't looking good. "He asked me for my phone number that night, too, and-and I gave it to him. We texted. We text, still." His throat tightens the longer he speaks. "I was so scared of what I was doing that I, um, I told Debby everything." 

Josh's eyebrows lift. "You told Debby?"

Tyler nods. "Yeah. I told her I felt like I fucked up, and she told me that if I really did like Jordan-- which I-I, I guess I do-- to try things out with him. She said you and I's friendship is strong enough to where this wouldn't effect it, and I hope she's right because Josh, that's all I can think about is how I might have ruined everything."

Tyler feels like he might be able to breathe when Josh connects their hands together. Does this mean it's okay?

"Is there anything else?"

Tyler sighs. "Yes."

Josh runs his thumb over his. "What is it?"

Tyler never realized how much there actually is to tell until now. "We went on a date. Some sort of date. We just went out to eat, and he gave me a drawing. He drew it for me."

He holds off from saying the rest. It's rather salacious.

Of course, though, this is when Josh catches something is off.

"You're not telling me something, are you." He mutters. He knows everything, somehow, some way.

Tyler frowns. "It's bad."

"Tell me." Josh says.

"It's bad." Tyler repeats.

Josh sighs, squeezing his hand lightly. "Please, tell me. I think I deserve to know."

Tyler isn't able to disagree with that. He feels his face flush at the thought of what he's holding back, but nonetheless, he does continue. "He wanted to. . ." Tyler shakes his head. "I can't. Oh, my god. I can't tell you that."

Josh's lips go crooked momentarily. "Tyler,"

He groans. "Josh, I don't think you want to know, anyways."

"Maybe I don't, but I think I need to." It's true. It's all true.

Tyler gets quieter, plaintive. "He wanted to give me oral." He admits, so quietly, so ashamed.

Josh doesn't seem surprised. He probably could already guess by the way Tyler simply hesitated to say it. "And did you let him?"

"No, I didn't."

Josh probably wishes he can see right now to experience all the guilt seeping from Tyler's pores. It's coming in waves, and anxiety comes in mountains. 

"Why didn't you?" He asks, demeanor yet to change.

Tyler sighs, eyebrows pulling together in frustration. "Because, Josh, I felt horrible. I didn't want to do anything more with him until I told you. You're my best friend. He's your brother. What more of a reason not to say no?"

Josh nods, pulling away. 

He throws one leg over the other and tilts his head. "Yeah, okay. I'll admit it's kind of weird, but you should know by now I'm not going to be mad at you for something like this."

Tyler's eyes widen; he pushes out a breath of relief. "Thank fucking god." He whispers.

Josh gives a small smile. "I respect that you told me. I know you'll respect him, too." He sucks on his bottom lip. "But also, Jordan is pretty overbearing, so I'm more worried about him not respecting you than anything." He pauses. ". . . But he's my little brother. If you do anything to him. . . If he does anything to you-- I don't know. I'm conflicted."

Tyler chuckles, wiping his eyes when he feels tears fall just a little. Only a little.

He's simply relieved is all.

"Thank you, Josh." Tyler replies. He needs to say it.

Josh shrugs. "Thank you for being honest with me. This is why you're my best friend. I can trust you."

That's exactly what Tyler needed to hear. Worries flee in a matter of seconds, and in comes that beautiful sense of reassurance and comfort he had but just a sliver of. He's lucky. He's thankful.

"You can always trust me," Tyler mutters. 

Josh hums. "I know." He says easily. "Now," he leans back. "The real question is how you can stand him. Doesn't he annoy you? Maybe it's just because he's my brother and all, but god damn, he can say some of the craziest shit sometimes. He does some of the craziest shit, too."

Tyler smiles. He's glad Josh is willing to talk about it.

"I think it's kind of cute, actually." He comments.

Tyler doesn't see it as annoying, mostly overwhelming. Jordan is very demanding, very weird, very-- he doesn't know, but for some fucking reason, he likes it.

Josh's face scrunches up. "Ew," he chuckles. "Maybe this is weirder than I thought."

Tyler purses his lips. "Sorry."

Josh shakes his head. "No, I'm just going to have to get used to it is all." He touches Jim's head, scratching behind his ear. "I'll manage. Don't worry."

Tyler nods. "Good," he starts. "Because if you think that was bad, you should have heard what he was telling me on our date. Who knew your brother was so scandal--"

"Ew!" Josh shouts. "Don't want to know, I _don't_ want to know."

Tyler smiles. "I know." He exhales. "I love you."

Josh still looks disgusted. "I love you too, even if you're being weird and like my baby brother."

Tyler only smiles more.

***

Josh and Tyler spent most of the day together. They went to Tyler's apartment and primarily were focused on making sure his daisy seeds were getting the proper treatment. Some sunlight, some water, and lots of love.

"I hope it sprouts soon," Josh whispers after a while.

Tyler hums. "Me too."

He drops Josh off at home after a while, later at night, once they talk more and once the sun sets.

Tyler's just glad to be able to do that. Stay with him until nighttime. Talk to him all day about anything and everything. He's still not sure whether or not he was simply overthinking the entire situation, he only knows that being able to be around Josh like it's any other day is the best thing that could have happened.

And, like promised-- once he's comfortable in bed and has showered-- he decides to call Jordan.

It doesn't surprise him that he picks up instantaneously.

"Hey," he says bashfully. "I was just thinking about you."

Tyler rolls his eyes, smile eating away at his face. "Were you now,"

"Yep." Jordan mumbles easily. "Thinking about how lonely I am without you around. This sucks."

Tyler shakes his head to himself. "Maybe you do have attachment issues." He mutters. "I've only ever seen you a few times and you're all over me." He doesn't mean for it to sound rude, and he hopes it isn't coming off that way. Really, Tyler is okay with it. It's kind of heartwarming to know someone misses him, someone wants him around, someone feels incomplete without him.

Maybe they both have issues.

"Don't you want me around, too? I'm a pretty fun guy." Jordan's light is never lost.

"I do want you around." Tyler says. "That's why I called you."

There's a pause. "Are you inviting me over?"

Tyler can't help but chuckle. "No. I just wanted to call you to tell you I told Josh about us. So, uh, you know, I'm more comfortable with doing more things together." He sighs. "And yeah, you're right, he said he doesn't mind. Just that it's weird."

"So I can suck your dick now?" Jordan asks, pretty much disregarding everything else.

"I, I don't--" Tyler bites his lip. "We should probably take things slower. I'm not a romantic, but I'd also like to hold you, and do stupid shit like run my hands through your hair and stuff. Is that weird?"

He hears Jordan snicker. "Tyler, are you seriously asking me if doing things like any normal person would do is weird?"

Tyler huffs. "Well, you just make it seem like I should be on the same boat as you when it comes to already having. . ." Tyler's feels his chest get heavy, never fully processing the thought of actually being intimate with Jordan. Yes, of course, when they were out to eat he was dwelling on it, but he supposed in the moment he wasn't considering _everything_.

Really, Tyler hasn't had sex in a while. When he first moved here people were surprisingly very invested in him, but also, most of those people were plain out disgusting. Of course Tyler is insecure about his amputation, and these people who'd do things with him were always in it for the fetish aspect of it. Not him.

In all honesty, it destroys any comfortability with himself when that happens. It gets his mind running, considering that maybe his amputation is all he'll ever be.

He's learned it's not true, but it didn't happen quickly.

Maybe he was looking for acceptance in the wrong places.

He's much more careful with these things now, though, for some reason he worries with Jordan. He knows he's the least likely to fetishize it, yet it doesn't stop the thought from running through his head. Is that why he's so adamant about having sex? He enjoys the thought of it so much?

Tyler shakes his head, in disgust.

"Tyler? Did you hear me?" Jordan asks, pulling him away from those ideas.

Tyler breathes in and out. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

Once again, Jordan dismisses it. "Are you okay?"

Tyler runs a hand through his hair, sighing headfully. He doesn't know what to do, where his mind should be, what to think about any of this. "You're not just wanting to have sex because I'm an amputee, right? Because I've dealt with that too many times and I don't think I can do this if that's all you're into me for."

There's silence.

"You don't seriously think that's why I like you, right?" Jordan wonders.

"Well, I don't know--"

"I thought you were hot even before knowing about your leg." Jordan comments, cutting him off. He does that. "I honestly forget most of the time until I'm thinking about it. Like when I was drawing Agayb, or you mentioning right now." The line shuffles a bit. "It's just another part of who you are. Not all you are. And I-- ew. Sorry, but _why the fuck are people into_ _that_ _._ "

Tyler smiles softly. Relieved. Happy. "It's really gross," he states. "Thank you for not making it a big deal, or a fetish. I'm just like anyone else."

Jordan hums in agreement, then stops. "Well, if you were anyone else, I probably wouldn't be interested. I will admit you being half robot is pretty cool and does pique my interest, but I also think you have a really amazing personality."

Tyler continues to smile. "Why are you actually really sweet,"

"Am I not supposed to be sweet? I thought that's what you do when you're interested in someone." Tyler wants him to stop talking; he's too much to handle even with the simplest of things.

"Yeah. I know." He closes his eyes, snuggling into the pillow. "You're cute."

Jordan laughs. "All I did was talk. How am I cute?"

Tyler lets out a noise from the back of his throat. "You're doing things to me, kid."

"Ew. Don't call me kid." Jordan utters.

Tyler rolls his eyes, sighing. "Why not?"

Jordan scoffs. "What do you mean why not?" He starts. "First off, I am not a kid. I'm nineteen. I'm going to be twenty this year. And also, it's just uncomfortable. I don't want the person I'm seeing to call me kid. That's gross." He does have a point, Tyler quickly thinks. "Besides, I'm seriously not that much younger than you, you have no room to say--"

"I'm six years older than you. I can do what I want."

"I," Jordan pauses. "Okay, well it doesn't feel like you're older than me. I think this relationship we have going is pretty even."

Tyler shrugs to himself. "Maybe."

"You don't seem to agree." Jordan comments.

Tyler hums. "I don't know, Jord. You're just one big immature, dorky, endearing young adult if you ask me."

Silence, it's there for a while.

"No one has ever called me Jord," he mutters, and Tyler hadn't even noticed he said that. "And you're right, I am, but I think you like that I'm a big dork."

Tyler nods. "Oh, definitely." Definitely. "It's pretty fun to have someone draw you into an _intergalactic character_ and come to me for life advice the second time ever talking to each other."

Jordan chuckles, then huffs. "Whatever. Won't be the last time."

Tyler smiles. "Good."

There's another pause, and whether it's to bask in this, or to gather thoughts, he doesn't know.

"Okay, well I need to get in the shower, but I do think you should have me over sometime. So you can, you know, hold me and play with my hair like you want." When Jordan says it, it sounds more appealing than before. "And I also just need to get out of the house."

Tyler's smile is all-lip now. "How about this upcoming weekend?"

"Please."

Tyler chuckles. "Okay. I'll pick you up on Saturday, yeah?"

Jordan sounds excited. "Yeah. Noon? I sleep in a lot, my bad."

"I'll be there later. I'll text you when. Be ready." Tyler is exhausted. Probably from the overwhelming amount of nerves he felt today from confessing to Josh. Probably from laying in bed and listening to Jordan's sultry voice.

"Can I spend the night?" He asks.

"No."

"What, why?"

Tyler exhales. "Because, I don't want you to. Maybe next weekend or something."

Jordan groans. "Okay, you actually suck. I'm sick of being home all day; let me just hangout with Robot and get my hair played with."

Tyler eyes go hooded. Honestly, he feels like a parent when it comes to Jordan sometimes. It's like not giving candy to a baby when it's all they want. "We'll have to see. I'm not making any promises." He sighs. "Wear comfortable clothes."

Jordan's probably ecstatic right now. He sure sounds like it. "Awesome." He snickers quietly. "I'm excited. I'll see you then."

Tyler nods. "I'll see you then, Jordan."

He doesn't know what else to say, so he decides that's enough. He pulls his phone away and ends the call, plugging it in before setting it down on the bedside table beside Tyler Jr.

He lets out a heavy sigh as he gets comfortable in bed, not so nervous as he might have been days prior. He has nothing to worry about really, and it's reassuring. He feels like a new person in some strange way, and the only reasonable reasoning behind that has to be Jordan. He's so different than everyone else. He's overbearing, he's weird, he doesn't understand social boundaries-- Tyler loves it.

Maybe he's weird, too. He can't help it.

Tyler is happy. He feels like he's back in highschool again with how stupidly good everything is with Jordan, and, he doesn't mind. He likes the way butterflies somehow flutter in his stomach, he likes that he blushes like it's a hot summer day when he says things for the hell of it.

Jordan is an idiot, and he likes it.

Jordan is profound, and he likes it.

Jordan is shameless, and he likes it.

Jordan is Jordan, and Tyler isn't sure he will ever get enough of it. Surely he won't, he couldn't, not when his heart skips an embarrassing beat when he sees his puppy eyes and head of curls. Not when he pushes Tyler in ways he didn't even know he was holding back from. Definitely not when he's being accepted and embraced for simply being himself.

What more could he ask for? The answer is nothing. He's glad that he let this happen, whether it was unintentional or not.

It's for sure one of the better decisions he has made in life. Jordan is a better decision.

***

  
As usual, the weekend comes by slowly, but he pushes through. He's giddy. He's stupid. It's fun. It's thrilling. He's almost embarrassed to be feeling this way about something as simple as having Jordan around, but he supposes that's a good thing to feel with someone you're interested in.

For some reason though, he picks him up much later than noon. Five, to be exact. He spent most of the time cleaning up his apartment and making it look presentable, and also just getting ready to have someone besides Josh and Debby over.

When he's in front of Laura and Bill's house, his right leg bounces up and down. Excited? Nervous? Overwhelmed? All of the above, and that's okay, because when he can see Jordan walk out with such a big grin directed towards him, it makes the butterflies he spoke about before go wild.

When Jordan gets into the car, he leans over the dashboard and hugs him tightly. "Missed you," he mutters.

Tyler chuckles, hand at the dip in his back. "I missed you too."

They embrace one another for a little while longer, and once he pulls away, Tyler makes sure Jordan buckles himself in before driving off.

It only takes less than five minutes for him to start messing around with things on the ride to Tyler's apartment. He changes the radio station every minute or so, never listening to a song fully, and he can't figure out what position is most comfortable to sit; he keeps messing with the chair settings.

"You really are a child," Tyler says when noticing.

Jordan shrugs. "Maybe I have ADHD or something."

"Maybe. Or maybe you're just making excuses."

Jordan glances to him once he says it, examining him and Tyler would do it back but he's too focused on getting home. He will not take his eyes off the road. No.

Jordan blinks. "Can you hold my hand?"

Tyler shakes his head. "I'm driving."

"And? You can drive with one hand, can't you?" Jordan just wants what he wants, and he'll do anything to get it. It's simple.

Tyler sighs, moving his right hand off the steering wheel. "Okay." He murmurs, and gladly, Jordan connects their hands together, humming in content. He leans back into his seat after that, looking out the window for the time being and luckily not changing radio stations or messing with the chair settings anymore.

Once they finally get to the apartment, Jordan looks around. Tyler doesn't mind, and he even shows him everything after some time. Of course, there isn't much to show so it's very short, but once he brings him into the bedroom, his eyes widen.

"Holy shit," he breathes.

Jordan furrows his eyebrows. "What?"

Tyler walks to his bedside table, grabbing the stump pot off of it. "Tyler Jr sprouted." He smiles while saying it, bashful for an unknown reason.

Jordan's face doesn't move. "Is this supposed to be some kind of symbolism?"

Tyler chuckles, examining the bit that has grown out from the dirt. He doesn't remember it looking like this when he left, but maybe he just wasn't paying enough attention. He'll have to tell Josh about it as soon as Jordan leaves.

"It's probable," he decides.

Jordan hums, stepping closer and touching his waist. "Are we gonna get to that cuddling you were talking about?"

Tyler brings the plant away from his face, looking down at him. "You're clingy." He comments, because he can, because it's true.

He turns around and places the pot down, stilling when Jordan wraps his arms completely around his waist and pulls him close to where they're chest-to-back. He can feel him breathe against him, snuggle his nose into his spine, curl his fingers into his hoodie. "Yeah, I'm clingy. I can't help it."

Tyler touches his hand. "I don't mind."

Jordan hums. It's quiet for only a moment before he says, "You have crutches." A statement.

Tyler nods. "Yeah."

"Why?"

Tyler turns around in his embrace, running his fingers through his hair. He smells like Degree and cinnamon spice. "Well, I can't really walk when I don't have my prosthesis on, so I need crutches. I used to use a wheelchair but it was too much."

"Oh," Jordan mutters. "Yeah. I-- wow. I didn't even think about that."

"Think about what?" He rests his chin onto his head.

"I've never thought about you without having, uh, what is it called?" Jordan shrugs after a moment. "You know what I mean."

Tyler hums. "Well, if you spend the night you're gonna see me without my prosthesis." He's comfortable with Jordan, he'd say, so he's okay with allowing him to see him at such a vulnerable state. "Can't sleep with it on."

Jordan nods. "Okay." He pulls away after that, looking to him. "Well, I'm staying whether you like it or not, because I don't want to go home." He smiles cheekily once it's said, and Tyler rolls his eyes.

"It's _my_ apartment. What I say goes."

Jordan still smiles. "You don't intimidate me."

"Why not?" He asks.

Jordan runs a thumb over his cheekbone, blinking. "Because, I feel like I have a much bigger demeanor than you."

Tyler's brows pull together. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, and then says, "You do not."

Jordan seems amused. "Yeah, _okay_. Sure."

Tyler shakes his head. "Whatever. Let's go to the livingroom so we can watch stuff and I can hold you. And play with your hair." He pauses. "It's soft."

Jordan raises his eyebrows, pulling away. "Yeah, and I'm the weird one."

"You are the weird one. You know it." Tyler grins momentarily. He grabs one of his hands and guides him back into the livingroom afterwards, sitting down on the sofa. "It's completely normal for me to want to play with you hair. It's nice. Don't you think?"

Jordan looks at him with hooded eyes. "You're super gay."

Tyler hums, leaning back into the cushions and turning the television on. "Must have something to do with me being gay." He comments. "Just a thought."

Jordan snickers at that, slowly laying down. He sticks his legs over the arm of the sofa, kicking his shoes off and sticking his head into Tyler's lap, a hand on what would be his thigh but is now artificial. "I'm glad you're gay." He seems to realize how odd it sounds, so he continues. "I just mean that having you around is pretty nice. You're cool. I like you."

Tyler rolls his eyes, smiling. Jordan has such a strange way of expressing things. It's cute. "I like you too."

Jordan lets out a pleased sound from the back of his throat. "Good. I'd hope so, or else this wouldn't work out."

Tyler hums again and doesn't say anything else, simply running his fingers through the curls in his lap instead. He has to fight to not think about Josh in the midst of it all; he reflects about the fact that they are very different in many ways opposed to similar. Jordan's hair is darker, his eyebrows are much bigger, his nose is wider, his smile is more goofy instead of charming, and he loves it all.

Fuck, Tyler can't believe he's developed these feelings so quickly.

"We should buy pizza." Jordan suddenly says.

"I'm not spending my money on pizza," Tyler replies.

Jordan smiles, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a twenty dollar bill. He looks up at him with bright eyes, and Tyler can't help but stare at the smallest gap between his front teeth. "My dad helped me out, I got it."

Tyler nods, then pauses. "Do, uh, do your parents know about us seeing each other?"

Jordan shrugs. "I told them we kissed right after you guys left on New Years."

Tyler's eyes widen. " _What_?"

Jordan snickers, snuggling his face into Tyler's shirt. "I tell them everything, I couldn't help it." He huffs lightly. "And besides, that was the first time I kissed someone in probably a year or so. I was pretty happy for myself. I had to tell _someone_ , and I don't really have friends, so."

Tyler shakes his head, continuing to mess with his hair. "What did they say?"

Jordan shrugs. "They don't care that we're seeing each other, they just said they're glad I'm finally building a relationship with at least someone, even if it happens to be my brother's best friend."

Tyler bites his cheek, swallowing thickly. "You better not tell them _everything_ if shit happens. That's just weird."

Jordan laughs, looking up at him. "I swear if I suck your dick I won't tell them. That's for me and me only, yeah?"

Tyler rolls his eyes, a tug pulling helplessly on his lips. "Yeah."

Jordan grins widely at that; slipping his phone out of his pocket afterwards and asking which pizza joint they should order from. They both agree on Domino's (mostly for the cinnamon sticks as desert.) Jordan orders that along with a large Canadian bacon and pepperoni pizza.

Once placing the order, he glances to Tyler again. "I'm bored."

He gets a scoff in repsonse. "You haven't even been here for an hour." Tyler mutters. "And you want to spend the night? You're not helping yourself on me agreeing if you say that."

"No, I'm spending the night." Jordan says. "Show me something cool. You must have something, right?"

Tyler shrugs. "Not really."

Jordan sighs, touching the hand Tyler doesn't have in his hair. "Tell me things about yourself, then."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," he mumbles. "Like, when did you move to California? Why did you move here? What do you miss about Ohio? Is it nice over there?" Jordan bites his lip, closing his eyes while letting out a deep breath. "Because whether you realize it or not, you're really closed off."

Tyler's hand stills from moving in his hair. "Am I?"

Jordan nods easily. "Very much."

Tyler huffs, leaning his head back. "I don't really like sharing about my life." He states. "Besides, Josh and Debby are the only people who I talk to so I'm used to them already knowing everything instead of having to explain. I don't like explaining."

Jordan hums. "Too bad, I'm making you explain."

Tyler sighs. "You're pretty much asking for my sob story, I hope you realize that."

He must not have, because he opens his eyes back up again to look at him with a muddled sincerity. "Well, don't tell me if you don't want to. I didn't know."

Tyler shrugs. "I can handle it."

It took a while, but he can.

Jordan nods. "So can I." He says, closing his eyes again.

Tyler takes a deep breath, deciding to stare at the ceiling, not knowing where else to look. "I moved here when I was twenty one. Drove here. Was just me packed into one car with everything I found reasonable to bring." Tyler smiles softly when something comes to mind. "I got to see a lot of really cool things. I passed through places like Illinois, Texas, and Arizona. It was awesome. I remember it so clearly."

Jordan shakes his head. "You're insane."

"Why?"

"You _drove_ all the way here? How long was that?" He keeps his eyes closed, but his expressions are clear.

"A few days. It's because I stopped a lot, and slept in motels since I need to take it easy with my leg." Tyler knows the whole thing was ambitious, and very risky, but it was thrilling to no extent. He finally felt alive again after all of the immense pain he had gone through.

"Makes sense," Jordan murmurs. "Why did you move here, anyways?"

Tyler's throat tightens subconsciously at the question. His shoulders lift, a heavy breath falling from his mouth. "It was a few years after the, uh, accident. I felt like it was the only reasonable thing to do. Restart. I don't know."

Then, Jordan's eyes open. His brows pull together in concern. "Accident?"

"Well, yeah. I wasn't born without a leg, you know." Tyler mumbles.

Jordan frowns a little, slowly slipping their hands together. "Can I ask what happened, or is that too much? Sorry, I don't-- I don't know what's right and wrong to be asking."

Tyler shrugs once more. "I told you, I don't mind sharing."

He learned in group that it's okay to share your problems. Although that was the whole point of going-- to be helped and comforted by others with disabilities-- it doesn't come easy for him. He always worried of making everything about him, making people uncomfortable with his needs, stuff like that. After some time though, he opened up. He was always the one to sit and keep quiet, but one day, he decided to push himself.

Maybe he's antisocial, yeah. Though, he's gotten much better over time.

Tyler closes his eyes, Adam's apple bobbing. "My mom and I, we were driving home one night." He begins, and fuck, he hasn't talked about this in so long.

Jordan must sense the nerves; he squeezes his hand.

Tyler exhales. "It was really late at night, and it was pouring, too. It snowed the day before so the roads were slick." He shrugs. "You know how it goes." To be completely honest, he's only trying to avoid the actual scarring part of the story.

Jordan shakes his head. "What happened?"

Silence.

Tyler didn't realize it would be difficult to say. He's only ever talked about it so much.

"Highways, heavy rain, and slick roads don't go well together." Tyler ends up saying. "There was a huge accident. Collision after collision after collision. Full speed, stupid fucking drivers." He sighs, he does it often. Aggravated, saddened, angered. Many things. "I honestly don't even remember most of it, it just _happened_. I barely remember being in the back of the ambulance, I barely remember anything from the the hospital."

He can feel Jordan's heart beat quickly when hearing it.

"I-- my leg was crushed. It was that simple. I got some cuts and bruises on my hips and ribs, but when they told me that the only option was to amputate it, that it was broken beyond repair-- fuck. That was the scariest part." It's so odd to think about himself with both of legs because of how accustomed he is to only having one.

"God," Jordan whispers, gripping his hand tightly once more.

Tyler nods in agreement. "It was the scariest part, but not the worst part."

Jordan looks up at him. "What do you mean?"

Tyler can't bear to look at him, though. After all these years, his eyes still well up with tears. He bites his lip harshly and breathes in and out. "I got lucky."

Jordan blinks. "What?"

"I got lucky," he repeats although it didn't help. "My mom, uh, she. . . She died from the accident."

Jordan's eyes widen at the information, and instantly, he's sitting up and pulling Tyler into such a tight hug it almost knocks the breath out of him. He pushes his nose deep into his neck and exhales against him, fingers digging into his hoodie. "I'm so s--"

"Don't say you're sorry," Tyler mutters. He slowly wraps his arms around him in return.

Jordan nods, he understands. Having Josh as a brother must give him a lot of things to work with, to learn. It's the same thing with Tyler, and that's another reason why he feels comfortable with him. Although he and Josh don't have the same disability, Jordan still knows how to act well enough with someone who does.

And, it's also okay for him to ask questions, it's also okay for him to wonder.

"I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're able to inspire me. I'm glad you feel okay to tell me these things." Jordan presses a kiss to his neck and Tyler hums. Maybe he needs this more than he knows.

"Stop being a sap," He whispers.

Jordan chuckles softly, hesitantly. Tyler just wants the grief to pass. "It's my job."

"As what?"

Jordan kisses his neck one more time before pulling away. He pushes Tyler's hair back, simply examining his features. "As someone who's irritably invested in you."

Tyler gives a careful smile. "I really like you."

Jordan smiles too. "I really like you most."

Tyler hums again. He lifts a hand and holds Jordan's chin, feeling the stubble under his fingertips. He's about to say something else, ask, but Jordan must understand already because he leans closer and brings their lips together. Tyler loses control before he can even gain it, allowing Jordan to slowly throw a leg over his so he's in his lap.

Tyler's hand falls from his chin as soon as his bottom lip gets sucked on, instead moving to Jordan's waist. He holds him close and basks in the way he taste like mint and nothing more.

Had he been chewing on gum? He has no clue.

Tyler kisses back needily, because yes, maybe he is, but so is Jordan. They're both fighting, wanting, needing, wishing.

Tyler opens his mouth when Jordan's tongue touches his lips. He allows it, and he wants it, and he groans quietly when he can really taste the mint.

Though, Jordan pulls away.

Tyler looks at him frantically.

He touches his shoulder, eyes so warm. "Is that okay?" He asks.

Tyler pulls him closer, kissing the tip of his nose. "Yes," he says. They both look at one another for a moment before Jordan suddenly goes back in for more in an abrupt manner, lips molding over one another's and then together. Their breathing gets heavier, chests move faster, hands touch more attentively.

"You're hot." Jordan whispers against him, eyelashes fluttering on his skin.

The blush is faint this time, and Tyler practically gasps when he can feel a hand on his inner thigh.

No, he definitely gasps.

Jordan smiles to himself when it happens, licking up Tyler's tongue while his fingers inch closer to his crotch and fuck-- Tyler actually really wants it now that he thinks about it.

He kisses Jordan one more time before sticking his head into his neck and instead pressing kisses there. "Okay," he breathes.

"Okay what?" Jordan wonders.

Tyler slowly drags his tongue over his exposed skin, sucking afterwards. His nose digs into his own saliva but he doesn't mind, it's actually just turning him on even more. "Suck me off." He whispers, holding the back of his head for support when he can hear Jordan let out the smallest of groans.

Easily, he nods.

He doesn't waste time to bring his hand all the way forward to palm Tyler through his jeans and underwear, kissing behind his ear while doing it.

When he dips his head back, he catches the way Jordan's lips have swelled over the terse affection given before closing his eyes. Live in this moment. Forget about the past. Whimper over the present. Come as he thrives.

His Adam's apple bobs when Jordan grinds against him, and god, he's hard, he's living again, he _is_ alive.

He's lucky.

"If the pizza delivery person ruins this moment, I might lose my shit." Jordan whispers against him, laughs.

Tyler smiles. Maybe he's in a daze. Maybe he's happy.

"I guess you'll just have to be quick," he whispers back, only seeing black, but he's feeling in colors.

Jordan hums, holding onto his shoulders before thrusting forward once again and Tyler can feel the throb in his cock so well. He breathes out, a strained breath, a clogged one. Jordan kisses his chin, slowly slipping out of his lap and to the floor.

He presses his lips to his knee, his real one, his right one, and trails it. Closer closer, closer, and closer. Mid thigh to pelvis, fingers to the button and zipper of his jeans.

Before pulling them down, or at least his boxers, he pauses. "This is okay, right?"

Tyler opens his eyes, carefully looking to him. He looks so good like this. "More than okay." He says.

Jordan nods, blinking. "Watch me."

He was already going to.

Tyler's breath is heavy when Jordan's fingers are delicate, touching his cock just as a tease before slowly pulling his boxers down a little along with his jeans, completely exposing him.

Jordan's cheeks flush for the first time.

Tyler holds his shoulder with one hand, the other gripping his own thigh to steady himself because it really _has_ been a while.

Jordan inhales and exhales, gripping Tyler's waist to bring him closer. He looks back up at him when grabbing his cock, and they stare at one another when Jordan sticks his tongue out and runs it completely up the shaft, then tip, and dips into the slit.

Tyler can't keep his eyes open any longer; he squeezes them shut with a whimper, already trembling.

"Holy shit, holy--" He swallows thickly with his mouth open.

Jordan doesn't stop, and he doesn't want him to.

Tyler gasps as he can feel saliva drop onto his cock, and his whole body tenses when Jordan uses his hand to then stroke him, spread it, make it wet for him. Fuck, it's good.

"I've only sucked dick so many times," Jordan murmurs. Whether he's insecure about it or just giving a warning, Tyler has no idea.

Though, he still nods. Head leaned back and throat strained, he says, "You're already doing so well. It's okay."

Jordan's probably smiling. Tyler doesn't feel capable to look down to see it, he only is capable of feeling the way he moves his hand up and down his cock one more time before leaning forward and wrapping his lips around the tip. Tyler groans, so loudly, so helplessly, quickly bringing a hand over his mouth with furrowed brows.

Jordan pumps his fist and lick around the head, going further. He's going and going and going and Tyler lifts his head back up to catch a glimpse of it.

"Fuck," he breathes out, nodding along, encouraging him.

Jordan looks up as soon as his nose is buried into his terse amount of pubic hair, and Tyler stares back, not as intensely, more hooded and vulnerable. His hips twitch when feeling the back of his throat though, letting out a quiet moan.

His whole body is hot, his whole body is flushed. He feels like he's burning up in the best way.

Jordan pulls away only to go back down, getting Tyler adjusted to the warmth of his mouth. "Yes," he gets out. "Yes," Again. That's all he can think about is _yes_ because it's what he needs, and Jordan is doing it so well, and its been ages since he has done anything like this. It's good, amazing. Tyler is overwhelmed.

Jordan bobs his head and slowly brings one of his hands to slip into Tyler's underwear, fingers on his balls, and then he pulls him closer to where he isn't completely sat down but has his ass facing him enough.

"What-what are you--"

Jordan pulls off of his cock, looking up at him again.

He doesn't say anything, only bringing his hand out of his boxers momentarily to suck on his fingers. Tyler watches, and he aches at just the sight of it. He knows now. He gets it. He's trembling from excitement and more, impatient.

"Tell me if it's too much," Jordan mutters before slipping his hand back in and instantly is prodding his finger against Tyler's asshole.

"Oh, my god." He groans at the feeling.

It really, _really_ has been a while.

"Good?" Jordan wonders.

Tyler nods easily, quickly. "So good, Jordan. So good."

"More?" He then asks.

Tyler intakes a fast breath, nodding again. "Yes, please."

Jordan hums, leaning down to kiss his cock a few times, and that's when he carefully pushes his middle finger into him. Tyler's whole body tenses only to relax when he's as far as he can go, and he breathes. Both of them do. In sync, in and out, again and again.

"You're tight." Jordan says, so casually.

Maybe this is casual. It should probably be.

Tyler's Adam's apple bobs. "Shut up," he whispers, voice cracking.

Jordan snickers in response. He's such a fucking child it's not even funny, and Tyler would tell him but _holy_ _shit_ he leans down to suck him off again.

Tyler loses it. His abdomen is tight when Jordan is back down to his pubes, and his abdomen is tight when moves in and out of him.

He won't last long, he knows. They both know.

Jordan gags a little when he hits the back of his throat repeatedly, eyes screwing shut with subtle tears welling in them. Tyler can't even notice because his are closed. He's moaning to himself-- no, out loud. He wants to be embarrassed but he's not, he can only think about how amazing he feels right now.

Jordan pulls back to catch his breath, and while doing so, he slowly pushes another finger into him. His pointer.

The stretch burns only slightly. After all this time, Tyler's used to it. He can handle it. He loves it.

"Moan for me," Jordan murmurs.

Tyler's face gets hotter, choking on the whimper that was about to come out, because now it feels stuck. He shakes his head.

"Please?"

Tyler's chest is heavy. "Just-just keep going." He doesn't want to force it.

Jordan seems to understand. He holds Tyler's waist while pushing further into him and already Tyler is wanting to moan, but he refrains from doing so. Waiting. Therefore, Jordan continues until he gets what he wants, like always. He takes his entire cock into his mouth faster than either of them can blink, moving up and down, just like his fingers, just like Tyler's chest.

"Jordan," Tyler whispers in a whine, the grip he has on his shoulder tightening.

Jordan hums around him, making Tyler unintentionally buck his hips up.

He only gags again.

"Fuck." Tyler breathes out. Jordan's fingers curl. " _Fuck_!"

He slaps his hand over his mouth, eyes widening, body shaking.

"Right there?" Jordan asks, delicately rubbing his fingers around that area inside of him and Tyler whimpers, the sensation phenomenal but also overwhelming to no extent.

Jordan pushes into it, which only causes Tyler to moan pathetically. He nods frantically. "There, yes. Please. Harder. Faster." He's speaking in a delusional, not sure what's real and what's fake, he only knows that Jordan is making everything better. His heart races, his toes curl. His lips part, his face flushes.

Jordan holds his thigh while pressing his fingers harshly into his prostate and never taking his eyes off of him. He watches Tyler twitch, squirm, whimper. He watches his hips move upwards again and he watches his face as he moans like no one else is around.

It's just them, only them.

"There you go, baby." Jordan whispers.

Tyler is flushed head to toe. So unbelievably hot.

"Are you gonna come?" He then wonders, his hand trailing up and down his thigh. Well, what's left of it.

Tyler bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as he nods.

Jordan knows how to do this, it's obvious. He slowly takes Tyler's cock back into his mouth but doesn't move as quickly this time, being delicate. His fingers slow down from ramming into his prostate, softly rubbing circles into it, everything becoming more careful. Or at least, Tyler thought so. That's before Jordan suddenly says, "Fuck my mouth." And begins curling his fingers harshly into the same area once more.

"I--" he lets out a breathy moan. "Okay." He wants to tell him he doesn't have to do this, but he's sure he wouldn't have offered it he didn't want to.

Tyler looks down at him, slipping his fingers into the curls on his head and thrusting forward once just to test it out. Jordan trembles with him, and it's good. Really good. So he does it again. And again. And again. He does it repeatedly, never taking his eyes off Jordan even when a tear slips down his cheek, even when he watches his free hand goes to palm himself through his own jeans.

Tyler groans at the sight, pushing down on his fingers in hopes that will push him over the edge, and as soon as he does it, Jordan curls them into his prostate. It's perfect, it's everything he needs, and without a warning he's filling up Jordan's mouth with semen.

His hips twitch, his eyes close. The only thing he can process is how quickly is chest is moving and down and how heavy his breathing is.

Both of his hands still in Jordan's hair. Life feels like it's on pause in that very moment.

While panting he notices that Jordan slowly pulls off of his cock, but he can't bring himself to look because he's in a state of pure bliss, nothing more, nothing less. Jordan must notice too; he carefully pulls his fingers out of him-- which really, is an uncomfortable sensation-- when he crawls back into Tyler's lap and moves right to his ear. He swallows thickly. Loudly. Tyler hears it so clearly, and he bites his lip at the thought of Jordan taking down his own load.

"You taste good." He whispers, kissing Tyler's neck.

Tyler holds his waist. "Shut up." He breathes out.

Jordan smiles against him, pressing his lips behind his ear afterwards and says, "Listen to me."

Tyler opens his eyes, but Jordan quickly shuts them again, connecting their lips together. He bites, he sucks. "Just listen to me." He mutters after a moment.

"Okay." Tyler replies, head clouded.

He hears Jordan unzip his pants, and suddenly, he can feel his hard cock between them. Tyler gets it now. He knows what's going to happen.

Jordan's hand moves up and down in a matter of seconds. Tyler's not sure how either, but his hand is wet, and he can hear the sound of it every time he slides down his shaft. He also hears him letting out small breathy moans in his ear, rubbing his ass against Tyler's right thigh in the meantime.

It's all so much. This time, though, he doesn't mind.

"I've thought about you a lot when I masturbate," Jordan whispers, then gasps.

Tyler's still flushed beyond belief. "You're dirty."

Jordan kisses his throat. "You're hot."

Tyler touches his thigh, still coming down from his high. "What do you think about?"

Jordan groans in his ear unintentionally, pumping himself faster, grinding down harder. "You-you beneath me. Me beneath you. Either--" his breath stutters, thighs tensing. "Either or."

Tyler hums, hands moving closer to his crotch. "Anything else?"

Jordan sticks his face further in his neck while he whines. "God, I want to have sex with you. Not just oral." He breathes onto Tyler's skin, and he knows this closeness is what he needs. He knows he needs somebody like Jordan in his life. Someone overbearing with their thoughts, but not too harsh when they're given. Someone who wants things and eases Tyler into it. Someone who likes him just the same. "I-I think about how good it would be to see you riding me, or, _fuck_ , or how nice it-it would be to see your face the whole time you're doing anything to me."

Tyler's jaw tightens, fingers moving into his underwear. "Tomorrow." He whispers.

Jordan's hand slows down. "So I'm spending the night?"

Tyler can't help but smile. He's stupid. "Yes, you can spend the night."

Jordan nods, biting the grin off of his face, and he gasps  when Tyler touches his balls, fondles them, plays with them. "Fuck," he utters. "I'm-I'm gonna--"

He _does_.

His face scrunches up while he thrusts into his hand, palm and fingers being coated with his own come.

Tyler kisses his temple, guiding him through it. He runs his hand up and down his back when Jordan falls slump against him, breathing heavily and even heavier than that.

"You're so good." Tyler whispers. He doesn't know why.

Jordan smiles.

They sit just like that for as long as either of them need to, and after a minute or so, Tyler pulls his hands out of Jordan's pants. He gets a huff in return, then he lifts his head to look at him. They stare at each other. Jordan's puppy eyes are blown, and his lips are pink and red. Tyler wonders if he looks the same.

Probably not as lovely.

Jordan leans forward until their lips meet. It isn't as hungry or needy as before, it's simply sweet, like it's meant to be. They rub their noses together.

"Lick my hand clean," Jordan murmurs.

Tyler opens his eyes again only to see him looking back. "Yeah?"

Jordan exhales, nodding. "Yeah."

He takes his hand off from around his cock finally, lifting it up. They stare back at one another again, and slowly, Tyler grabs ahold of him, bringing his fingers into his mouth and sucking on them. It isn't the best taste, but it's also not the worst, and so Tyler licks up his palm, all the way to his wrist. He licks it clean, like he was asked, and Jordan wipes his hand off on his jeans afterwards.

He opens his mouth to speak, but the doorbell rings.

"Fuck." Tyler groans.

"My appetite is on full blast," Jordan snickers.

"Yeah, I can tell." Tyler says. "Get off my lap so I can get it. And give me the money."

They both tuck themselves back into their underwear and jeans, Jordan helping Tyler off the couch once they're no longer exposed. He does in fact hand him the twenty dollar bill and while Tyler makes his way to the door, Jordan heads to the kitchen to wash his hands.

The interaction is a little awkward, yeah. All Tyler can think about while the delivery person speaks is how Jordan's fingers were up his ass only so long ago. He tells her to keep the change once he has the two boxes in hand, and quickly shuts the door when she turns around with a small smile.

He walks into the kitchen afterwards, seeing Jordan practically drool at the smell of food.

"Get paper plates. They're up there." He points to the cupboard.

Jordan complies easily, quickly opening up the box and grabbing a few slices to eat.

Tyler only gets two. "I don't know how you're going to eat that much. I'm so worn out I can't even think about gorging like that."

Jordan smiles. "I told you, I'm a growing boy." He lifts a piece of pizza up to his mouth after that, but before he can eat it, Tyler stops him by touching his arm.

Jordan looks to him, brows furrowed.

"Kiss me one last time before you have pepperoni breath." He says.

Jordan smiles again at that. He puts the pizza back down and holds onto Tyler's chin with his clean, not greasy hand, pulling him close until their lips meet. He doesn't taste like mint anymore. He tastes like _him_ and the the thought itself is absurd.

Tyler pulls away momentarily only to lean forward and kiss him again.

"You should spoon me tonight," Jordan mumbles against his lips, smiling carefully when he takes a step back and continues to focus on his food.

Tyler only hums. "I need to shower once we're done eating."

Of course, that piques Jordan's interest. "Can I join?"

"Yeah, no."

He frowns. "Why not?"

Tyler sighs. "Well, I have to take my prosthesis off when I shower which means I can't stand, so I have a handicapped shower. It has railing and a seat. The seat takes up a good amount of room, I'm not sure there would be enough for both of us."

Jordan blinks. "Oh, crap." He swallows thickly. "That's another thing I've never thought about."

Tyler nods. "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Does what bother me?" Jordan wonders, taking a bite of his food.

Tyler shrugs. "That we can't shower together, really."

Jordan is quick to shake his head, and it's relieving. Tyler's terrified that maybe this is too much or too little for him. "I don't care." He says. "Yeah, it would be nice to shower together, but it's whatever. I can see you naked and wet some other time." He smirks to himself after that, and Tyler rolls his eyes. Though, he can't help but smile slyly too.

"Definitely." He agrees.

They end up eating and talking in the kitchen for a while until Tyler's exhaustion really hits him. He and Jordan make their way into his bedroom after storing away all the leftovers.

Tyler grabs his pajamas and towel, sitting them down on the bathroom counter so he didn't have to go through the hassle of doing it on crutches instead. It's a routine he's gotten used to. Making sure everything is in a reasonable place before taking his prosthesis off.

And, now is the time.

He sits at the side of his bed with Jordan, and it doesn't surprise him that he tries to ease the situation by saying, "Is this the time where the half robot becomes fully human?"

Tyler looks to him. "The human aspect of me is partial."

Jordan smiles, leaning onto his shoulder.

He simply watches, and Tyler's okay with that. He slipped off his jeans already so all he's only left in his boxers on his bottom half.

Tyler unwraps the lace and carefully pulls the prosthesis off, as well as the sleeve. The hair he has in that area is angled weirdly because of the pressure, but he's used to it, and Tyler breathes out when he's back to that vulnerable state again.

Maybe the prosthetic part of him became a shield over the years, he's not sure.

Jordan hums. "Wanna know something odd?"

Tyler glances to him, feeling smaller. "What is it?"

Jordan blinks once, twice. "I don't feel any different. Should I?" He looks down at Tyler's leg-- lack of leg-- and blinks again. "It's you. I like you."

God, Tyler smiles. "That's good."

Jordan smiles too. "You're good."

Tyler hums, and after a moment, he reaches for his crutches. "You can stay in here if you want, or you can," he pauses, thinking over the choices. "You can come into the bathroom with me while I shower."

Jordan instantly stands up. "Okay."

"But," Tyler starts.

His brows pull together. "But what?"

Tyler clears his throat, helping himself off the bed with the crutches so he's Jordan's height again. "You have to get naked too. I can't be the only one."

Jordan chuckles, shaking his head. "It's gonna be cold."

Tyler shrugs as best as he can. "Then I guess you're staying out here,"

Jordan is quick to groan. "No, no." He says. "Let's go. I can deal with it."

Tyler smiles in a small manner. "Okay." He mutters.

Tyler makes his way into the bathroom, Jordan following right behind. It isn't a very big room. At all. And it's nearly uncomfortable for both of them to be in there together, but they make it work.

Somehow, like a mutual agreement, they undress at the same time. Tyler has to sit on the toilet lid since it's far too difficult and practically impossible to do it standing up. He starts with his hoodie, then his shirt, and looks back up to see Jordan in only his briefs and socks.

Tyler stares at his happy trail, Jordan stares at his chest.

Slowly though, Jordan breaks their eye contact and pulls down his underwear, revealing every dip and every edge. His hip bones aren't as sharp as Tyler's, but they're definitely prominent. Definitely lovely. His whole body is.

Tyler doesn't need words to express it. It's obvious.

Soon enough he's yanking his own boxers off as best as he can whilst sitting down, throwing everything onto a pile on the floor before leaning over to start the shower. Neither of them say anything, for a while. They're naked. They're vulnerable. They're human.

And, they're falling for one another quickly, but that's evident.

Once the shower warms up enough, Tyler carefully helps himself onto the seat inside, holding the railing to steady himself. He also has a nonslip shower mat, which is heavily advised for people like him. There's only so much he can do if he falls without his prosthesis on.

He and Jordan meet eyes as he pulls the curtain forward to block everything.

It's fine.

The shower runs, and Tyler does what he needs to do. Jordan simply listens. Waits. Imagines. He sits on the toilet lid where Tyler's bare ass just was, now _his_ bare ass there.

"Have you hung Agayb up?" Jordan asks after a moment.

Tyler stills from adding shampoo into his hair. "Was I supposed to?"

Jordan is probably shrugging right now. "No. I was just asking." The thought didn't even cross Tyler's mind, really. It felt too personal to put up anywhere, but maybe that's why he _should_ put it up. He does have Tyler Jr by his beside table, after all.

"I will once I'm done." He decides, continuing what he was doing.

Jordan hums, and right afterwards, he's saying, "I plan on drawing you sometime."

Tyler doesn't pause now, he only adds body wash to his loofah. This should be casual. It is casual. "You do?"

"Mhm." Jordan lets out. "You're really handsome, how could I not?"

Tyler chuckles, shaking his head. "You're seriously such a nerd, shut up."

Jordan dismisses it. It's not surprising. "I want to draw your hands, and your eyes, and your nose, and-- fuck, your lips. Definitely your lips. I'll probably draw that first." He sighs pleasantly. "They're my favorite."

Tyler has a hard time not blushing.

"What would you draw of me?" Jordan asks when he gets no response.

"Your eyes," Tyler says, so easily, so quick. They swallow up his whole being in one stare. And that's how this entire thing started. One stare.

Jordan chuckles quietly. "Why?"

Tyler exhales. "I don't know. I like them."

He does know, he just doesn't feel like explaining. It's too much but he worries it might be too little of a reason to prioritize.

Jordan hums again, switching to another topic. It seems like his mind is always running, and whether that should be concerning or not, Tyler has no idea. He finds it cute. "I'm cold." He says.

"I don't know what to tell you." Tyler answers.

There's a pause.

"Do you think I can at least try to get in there with you?"

Tyler rolls his eyes, unintentionally smiling to himself at that. He sighs; he loves how needy Jordan is for some god damned reason. "Fine. Whatever. Be careful."

Quickly, Jordan is pulling the shower curtain over and steps inside. In a matter of seconds too, his ass is right in Tyler's face, but it's okay. Tyler holds his hips and moves him to the side so he can at least sit on the shower wall and not block all the water from getting to him.

"Just sit there," he mutters.

"Okay."

Tyler nods, lathering himself in soap suds that smell like Axe. "Are you warm?" He asks after a moment.

Jordan smiles easily. "Yes." He says. "And I have a good view, I'm pretty happy."

Tyler rolls his eyes _again_. He's too much. "You're crazy."

Jordan simply smiles more. "Crazy into you."

Tyler shakes his head, nonetheless grinning to himself. He's happy, yeah. There's something about Jordan that makes his whole body jubilant, and he's not sure he will ever get enough of him no matter how irritating he could possibly be. Tyler doesn't see it that way, though. He's not irritating. He's charming, he's bashful, he's honest. It's good.

Jordan watches without a word for the rest of the time they spend in the shower. He looks up at Tyler with those-- point in case-- puppy eyes. Blinking in slow motion, touching his body with ease. And, as much as he doesn't like it or need it, he helps him out of the shower once he's done and brings him back to sit on the toilet lid.

He's dripping wet while Tyler's drying off.

"Well, get a towel. Don't just stand there and make the floor wet." He ends up saying.

Jordan seems to just now notice what he was doing, and quickly, he's grabbing a towel on the rack over Tyler's head.

"Sorry." he murmurs.

Tyler hums, reaching out once he dries his back. "Come here," Jordan's cock is facing him so aggressively but he ignores it. It's not important right now. What's important is how he takes a few steps forward and looks down at Tyler, waiting for him to do something.

He does, too.

He wraps his arms around his hips and pulls him close to where he can rest his head at his abdomen.

"Thank you." He whispers.

Jordan slinks his fingers into Tyler wet hair, massaging his scalp. "For what?"

Tyler kisses his skin. It's still covered in water, but now it's also covered in love. "For not making anything a big deal." He replies. "I. . . I trust you. I do. You're so good to me, you know."

Jordan slowly moves his head so Tyler's now looking up at him. He smiles. "Robot Tyler definitely piqued my interest, but human Tyler is just as good. If not, better." He's such a idiot. Such an idiot. Tyler loves it. "I'm glad I've gotten to see all of you. I like all of you."

Tyler blinks, smiles. "I like all of you." He says.

Jordan nods. "Well, get dressed so we can cuddle already. I'm pretty exhausted."

Tyler nods as well. He lets Jordan move out of his hold so he can finish drying off to change, and he does the same thing. He only slips on his boxers and hoodie, that's all he needs, and once he's done, he helps himself up with his crutches once again.

"Ready?" He asks Jordan.

"Yeah." He says. Then, looks to the floor. "Want me to get your clothes?"

Tyler looks down at them too.

He usually gets them the next morning once he has his prosthesis on so I he didn't have to struggle with holding things and moving on crutches at the same time.

Maybe his routine is going to change with Jordan around though.

"Okay." He answers.

Jordan nods, grabbing all of his clothes from the floor and throws them into the laundry hamper once they're out of the bathroom. The bedroom is much colder too, and easily, they're both shivering.

Tyler just wants to get under the covers already and sleep, but he has something to do beforehand.

He sits down on the side of the bed, reaching into of the drawers to grab the rolled up paper he was gifted only so long ago. Things have moved fast, yet, he's sure it's a good fast. He hasn't felt this alive in a while.

"Hang this up for me, yeah?" He asks Jordan once unravelling it.

Jordan smiles when he sees his drawing. "Yeah." He responds. He grabs it from Tyler's hands and asks, "Where?"

Tyler hands him tape as well. He has no idea why he has it.

And momentarily, they're both looking around the room to find a good enough spot for it, but once Tyler looks back over to where his plant is sprouting, he knows exactly where it should go. "Hang it over Tyler Jr," he decides.

Jordan laughs without any question. "Okay."

He makes sure it's centered before ripping off pieces of tape to keep it up. When he's done, he stands back to look at it. He and Tyler both look at it. Admiring it. Loving it. Everything in between and more.

"Perfect." Tyler breathes.

Jordan nods I'm agreement. "Now hold me."

Tyler shakes his head, chuckling. "Yeah." He mutters. "Turn the lights off and get into bed, then."

Quickly, Jordan is doing just that. He closes the door and turns the lights off in a swift flick, then, is crawling right under the covers, curling into Tyler's side.

It's warm. It's all so warm.

Jordan's nose digs into Tyler's chest and one of his arms holds around his waist tightly, making sure he wouldn't be leaving any time soon. And, he won't. Definitely not. Not when Jordan likes to whisper goofy things in his ear and touches any part of his body like it's the first he has ever seen. Not when he's already gotten so far under Tyler's skin that he can't map his way out.

Not when he makes Tyler unreasonably happy for simply being himself.

It's not until Jordan's breathing has gotten longer and softer when Tyler looks to the stump pot. He can even see from this angle how far it has come, how much it has grown.

He glances to Jordan momentarily, and he's asleep, so Tyler reaches for his phone and calls the one person he will always fall to, no matter the situation, no matter how much anxiety he feels to open up.

It rings, and rings, and rings.

Tyler thinks there's a chance he might not answer, but that's until he hears, "Yes?"

Tyler smiles, closing his eyes. "Josh,"

"What's up?" He wonders.

Tyler breathes in and out, the hand he has connected to Jordan's giving a small squeeze. "Tyler Jr has sprouted." He whispers.

There's a pause, a sense of understanding.

"I'm happy for you." He answers finally after a moment to recollect, and Tyler can hear his faint joy. It's something to get used to, both of them, but they're learning as it goes.

"Thank you," he speaks quietly. "I love you."

Josh exhales. "I love you too."

"Goodnight." He then says. It's been a long, long day.

"Goodnight, Stump." Josh mutters. "Tell Jordan I said hi." He knows too well, but he deserves to know. It's okay.

"I will." He decides, ending the call after that.

He plugs his phone back into the charger and turns in Jordan's hold. It's the one time where his eyes aren't frantically searching for anything to grasp, they're only closed, serene, and Tyler leans forward to press a kiss to his brow.

"Goodnight." He whispers against his skin. It's a touch, a newcomer.

He expects to get no response, but Jordan tends to do the unexpected. "Goodnight." He answers.

Tyler smiles.

It's good to be alive, he decides.


End file.
